Blake Fell (or was he pushed?) Paddington is a delight!

Monday 22^nd December

I had another lie-in today, this time until 7am. On waking I walked the dogs up the hill hoping to dodge the spots, which I did! In fact it was quite a dry day altogether. We decided to wander in to Carlisle to get a few little odds and ends of presents which we hadn’t bought yet. I called at the Sands Centre and snagged us a set of tickets for three events in the coming few months: February, April and May 2015. I will hand these to Loll as an extra surprise present. I collected her big surprise from one of those collection points in Carlisle. She was dead keen to know what I had bought so I pretended it was something for Dad. (It is for her really.)

We found a shop that sells duffle coats and I absolutely fell in love a red one. It is gorgeous, plus as well as toggles it has a zip! That is a great idea. It also has a breathable waterproof membrane too, it is claimed to be waterproof! That’s mad, as the outer fabric is going to get soaked though whether it has a waterproof layer or not! Laura liked the blue ones and the bottle green ones. In the end I made her decide which she liked best and I bought her a blue one to match my red. We have agreed not to go out wearing them at the same time. That would be so twee!

Carlisle wasn’t as busy as I expected it to be when we arrived but by about 1pm it was starting to fill up so I steered us to Moreish Café in the market place for a lunch. I knew this might be silly as I had a feeling in the back of my mind it closed on Mondays. However, when we got there it was open! It has changed ownership and is no longer called Moreish (I think it is now Claire’s Kitchen, but I could be wrong.) I mentioned to the woman on the till how it used to be annoying that the place never opened on a Monday, she agreed. We had soup and a baguette for lunch. The baguettes were so large we both wrapped the second half of ours up to take home for a mid arvo snack.

This evening we subjected ourselves to the first part of our Lord of the Rings-athon, watching the extended version of the Fellowship of the Ring. Laura has never seen it. Can you imagine that? She was suitably over-awed by it.

Contacted Mum and she informed me that she is heading to Leeds on Christmas Eve to stay at Phil and Jane’s. From there she will go back home on the Saturday after Boxing Day and then is going to drive up to Hawick on New Year’s Eve. On the 2^nd she and Gran are driving over to Dad’s to spend some time with us, then we are driving down in convoy to Sheffield so we can go and see Swan Lake on the 8^th, in Sheffield. She will be a busy bunny. Gran is looking forward to seeing the old Holiday Home again, the last time she was here was before Mum and Dad divorced, so that’s over 12 years ago! Mum came up last year (when I was also house sitting) so she is used to being in her old holiday home when Dad is elsewhere.

Tuesday 23^rd Dec.

The weather was surprisingly clear this morning so after brekkers we decided to walk the dogs up Blake Fell. This is on the western Edge of the Lakes National Park and if there was to be any inclement weather rolling in, it might miss Blake Fell. This was actually an unfounded worry as it stayed clear and cold all the day. There is a useful carpark at Felldyke, the start and the end of the route to Cogra Moss, so we left Dad’s Landrover in it. There is a row of terraced houses next to the car park where I would love to live if I ever had the chance. The views to the west are amazing and you are right on the edge of the National Park boundary as well.

The sight of Cogra Moss itself is always a surprise, because if you didn’t already know it was there it’s the last thing you’d expect to find as you round the corner to find this beautiful little tarn. I think it was even smaller originally, but the stream flowing out was dammed to make a larger lake. I have one of my favourite pictures of my Dad taken here. He is leaning against the railings across the mini-dam wall, this his hand clasped in front of him, fingers entwined and his left elbow on the railing top. He’s got dog leads stretched across his body, looking like a bandit’s ammunition belt and is smiling at the camera. He looks so young but he must have been about 40 when Mum took the picture.

It is a popular place for local fishermen and there are walkways out into the lake for them to drown their maggots if they so desire. I had expected the place to be empty but there were already three men sat on their little stools, rods in hand, looking like a grimly coloured set of garden gnomes from a distance. The route took us right past these chaps but they all continued at their task and studiously ignored us.

From the lake shore there is a gentle gradient up to the col between Blake Fell and Nock Murton, with a forest road running through it. This road looks like is follows a contour line all the way round the lake, on the lower slopes of Blake itself. We were going to rejoin this later in the walk, further round as it snaked away towards Burnbank and Owsen Fells.

There was no-one in sight as we continued our upward progress, neither before us or behind us; apart from the petrified statues of fishermen on the lake shore down below. We pass two small outcrops on the way up which delight in the names of Low and High Pen, from the latter you begin to get a glorious view out eastwards across the National Park. At the summit shelter at the top of Blake we broke out the sandwiches, biscuits and flask of hot tea. There was a really strong wind whipping in from the Irish Sea and putting your head above the side of the shelter made your ears freeze off in an instant.

At 1800 feet, Blake is a minnow in a pond of huge pikes but it is a beautiful minnow. Its views are glorious and include a full sweep of the Solway coast from Annan in the north round to Sellafield in the south. The Lakeland Fells are visible but the massif of Grasmoor, Robinson, Dale Head and High Spy tend to obscure the further eastern ones. We were hoping for a scattering of snow on the summit, but there wasn’t any. However, across the way towards Herdus there was a generous sprinkling at about the 2200 feet mark (at an educated guess).

In the shelter you could indulge your passions quite safe in the knowledge that no-one would be able to sneak up on you. Today we decided it wasn’t worth freezing our butts off, but we made a promise to come back in the summer months and have a shag here then! Today we filled our desire for lunch, biscuits and a hot drink instead.

Sufficiently restored and energised we struck out northwards and downwards towards Burnbank Fell on a really grassy path, then off to Owsen Fell which offered greater views of Lamplugh than from the top of Blake. From here we found a route which took us back down to the western edge of Cogra Moss itself. The whole route was about 8 miles and we took just under four hours to complete the circuit, but that did include a good half an hour in the summit shelter having lunch. (OK, and a bit of a snog!)

I tried to get the woofies to splash about in Cogra Moss itself to clean themselves off a bit. Callie was a bit reluctant to get herself cold, I thought, but Dad’s trio piled in with reckless abandon, even Izzy, who is knocking on a bit. Wiping them down back at Felldyke took a while too, and we grubbied up five dog towels in the process.

Being greeted on our return by the smell of a cooked leg of pork joint was just the ideal thing to come home to, especially as we had prepped the veggies in advance, so we took the joint out to rest whilst the veggies cooked and Loll had a shower. After the meal, and dessert, I piled into the shower but was joined on getting out by a certain blonde girl who had come to see if I needed drying off too. I did, but in the process she made part of me much, much wetter!

We had part two of our epic film trilogy tonight, The Two Towers. Again Loll was stunned by it.

The stroll had tired us a little bit so the dogs only had a paddock walk for their final exercise of the day, but to be honest, I think they were quite tired too and went into the field without demur.

Wednesday 24^th Dec.

Up and out onto Mowbray Dunes this morning. Laura went to her Mum’s and I went with the dogs along the Solway Coast. The wind here was almost as strong as it had been at the top of Blake Fell yesterday. With the dogs duly exercised and Molly placated by her daughter’s visit we all trooped off to Workington to see Paddington, even 14 year old Stephen decided to come along. Eric finishes, for the week and a half of Christmas and New Year, this evening so Molly was glad to get out for a while too.

Paddington is brilliant. OK, it has a pretty simple storyline but I was totally impressed by it. I wasn’t sure about Nicole Kidman being a mad taxidermist wanting to stuff our Peruvian bear as a plot line but I suppose that having Paddington create havoc for Mr Curry on a repeated basis would have made for a less exciting film. (That is what he does in the books.)

I loved the bit where they gave Paddington a shower and he came out looking like a cute ball of fluff. I was also very surprised to find the aforementioned Mr Curry was Dr. Who! He wasn’t the irascible character he plays in the books but was a bit of a sleaze bag!

What probably surprised me the most was how quickly it seemed to be over. I suppose sitting through almost four hours of hobbits, elves, dwarfs and orcs makes a shorter film just whip by in comparison. Even Stephen was impressed; Molly’s favourite bits were the recurring calypso band passing comment on the action with songs. I think we will have to come and see this again, too.

The downside of seeing a children’s film in the afternoon on a school holiday day was the mass of them that were squeezed in there. It was also weird to hear the laughter at the funny bits being children’s laughter, not adults.

Eric was home when we got back and he was amused to think we had all gone to see Paddington. He is looking forward to Christmas dinner at Dad’s house tomorrow. I cooked a big meal for them at Dad’s before, last Christmas. They have also sampled my cooking when they came down to Sheffield at the start of the term; and they know I make great cakes – even if I say so myself.  I will have to make sure I don’t disappoint.

Christmas Day.

We both walked the dogs up Tallentire Hill this morning, then had a Prosecco and hibiscus flower celebration opening our presents. Laura has found a wonderful lapis lazuli bracelet to go with my pendant and earrings which is simply stunning. It is still gold hearts with lapis centres, just like the pendant and earrings. I told her I was surprised she’d found one in the UK. She didn’t. She described it to Suze and Suze found one. Her major worry was losing it in the post from Australia. That explains why the parcel of mini cherry ripes she got in November was a recorded delivery. It seemed a bit mad at the time. I was just happy to have some more cherry ripe.

Loll cried when she discovered I had replaced her washed i-pad. Hers was a 32Gb one, the new one is 128Gb. It seemed mad replacing it with the identical thing. She cried when she discovered she had washed her old one too. She had been using it in the bedroom prior to changing the bed. Somehow the old one had got mixed up in the bedding she shoved into the washing machine. Apple repair people took a look at it and said they thought it couldn’t be repaired as it has been boiled (we always wash our bedding on the hottest setting). According to the guy at the shop, if it had been a lower temperature wash it might have been recoverable. I have been stalling on the insurance claim reply for about a month, because the company had stumped up the price of a 32Gb one and I decided to put the rest to and go for a better spec. one. I didn’t want her to find out until I had got the thing in my hands.

I skyped the aforementioned big sister and we spent almost two hours chatting and exchanging gossip with everyone. The girls loved their pressies, even Jeff was impressed that I had got him the new Dockers Guernsey. (Suze bought for me but I stumped up the dollars.)

Dad, and more importantly, Louisa are fine. Suze gives her a swift health check every morning, taking her blood pressure and temperature etc. I guess it is pretty handy having a nurse on standby should anything develop. Dad is his old blasé self about the whole thing, as usual. I told him about Loll nearly driving into the tractor and he was livid, apparently the stupid wanker of a farmer (Dad’s words, not mine) has done this loads of times. The villagers have called the police about it but they claimed unless they catch him doing it they are powerless. Typical police reaction in my experience. I suppose they are right and with the cretinous Conservative led cuts to the very fabric of our society it will only get worse.

We ended on a happy note with a promise to skype again on New Year’s Day. (Afternoon for them, morning for us, unless we are too hungover to function after the party at Loll’s friend’s place.

Lunch was a success, even though we didn’t sit down until 2pm. We had masses and masses of food. I cooked the following: Turkey, stuffing, pigs in blankets, roast potatoes and parnsips, mashed potatoes, carrots, peas, cauliflower, broccoli, sprouts with onions bacon and chestnuts, green beans, gravy and a red cabbage, onion, cranberries and garlic concoction that I saw in one of our newspapers. Oh, and five medium to large Yorkshire puddings. The plan was to make sure there would be enough for a bubble and squeak with the left over veggies. There would probably be enough to feed all five of us again with it!

We played some daft games after our meal had settled including the “who am I game” using your mobile phone as the post it note. It seems there is an app which automatically selects the person for you and you hold your phone to your forehead. Very silly. Luckily I always got someone I knew, unlike the last time we played this game – using the old fashioned post-it method.

I was all for videoing the TV shows I wanted to watch but they all wanted to watch the Dr Who special. So we did. It was very clever and a little confusing. The layer within a layer idea reminded me a bit of Inception, none of the others had seen it, so they didn’t know what I was talking about. The best bit was the obvious conclusion that Jenna Coleman (Clara) would be returning for a new series. I think having been in a lesbian relationship for over two years is beginning to affect my perception of people, because I really do find her as hot as anything! I can’t remember having girl crushes (in a totally serious, sexual way) before. I don’t think it is her looks so much as the personality of the Clara Oswald character I find attractive.

All in all we had a pretty enjoyable Christmas Day and I think I am unanimous in saying that. LOL [Where does that bloody line come from? It will bug me for ages.]

Being towed, on roller blades, behind a car.

Friday 19^th December.

We did our typical morning routine this morning apart from the fact that I played postie to all the people to whom  we send cards as I walked Callie. This was 22 cards! Phew. We gave Sarah one at the pool (if you’ll excuse the expression) and Sylv in the paper shop. I had left one for the milko along with a note cancelling the milk for a month. I only hope we don’t get any sent to the house for the next few days as we will not be able to reciprocate if they went on our original list and we won’t get to display them either. We are back for a flying visit early in January – we are seeing Swan Lake at the Lyceum on the 6^th. The plan is to come down on the Sunday and head back on the Wednesday. Mum is going with us and we’ve persuaded her to stay with us on the Monday and Tuesday to catch up with her, as we will miss her at Christmas. (She is actually going to Phil & Jane’s for Christmas Eve until Boxing Day and then is up to Grans for New Year in Hawick.)

At Uni I had another pile of Christmas cards in my mail. Where do they all come from? Some of the people who have sent them to me have just used a Christian name which is absolutely useless for me to tell who the particular “Jane” or “Tony” are! (Names have been changed to protect the innocent.) Once again campus was like a ghost town and instead of whizzing off at lunch time, Laura was at my door by 11 saying, “Shall we go?” So we did. My car was packed and Callie collected in next to no time and then our two cars hit the M1 northbound by noon! We were taking Loll’s car back up to Cumbria to store it at her folks for the winter – she has hardly used it since it was brought down, so it seems sensible to store it in Molly & Eric huge garage/shed thingy.

Driving in tandem is weird. Laura went in front and I had no trouble keeping up with her at all. We went straight to Dad’s and unloaded our stuff. On arriving at Dad’s, at about 2.40, I was surprised to discover he and Louisa had put their Christmas tree and decorations up! He’d left a note (as usual) detailing where the boxes were for putting them all away again after 12^th Night and he’d also left a wad of cash in the coffee jar for incidentals. One of the incidentals was to kennel the dogs for our trip back home for Swan Lake, with that in mind I phoned the kennel immediately and got the three of them booked in. Loll and I then walked the pack up Tallentire Hill and had a sit on the seat to look at the view over the Solway.

It has been very wet up here for the last few days and so the hounds were horribly muddy when we got back! If it stays this wet we’ll have to do the drier route, which avoids the places where they love to get dirty! They don’t like it as much but it means we don’t have to wash four dog towels after each walk!

A surprise phone call after our meal found us with an Invitation from Errol to a small bash at his house tomorrow. Errol’s small bashes can be anything from four people to a hundred! I eagerly accepted for us both. It is nice to see Errol, he is one of Dad’s oldest chums and is a bit of a card. The only blot on the landscape might be the fact that Mr Radford is also coming. (He was Felice’s love interest for a while – about a month, really. And at Dad’s post wedding beano, in the summer of 2012, I ended up snogging him for most of the evening and he tried to enter my bedroom after the guests had retired to bed. Fortunately the alcohol induced libido had worn off by that time and I had the sense not to f*ck him! I didn’t even let him past the door.)

Laura puts it down to the Arkwright phase of my life, where my legs were “open all hours”. She is not far from the truth, TBH.

For this evening we whizzed down into Workington to see the Hobbit 3 again. It is even better the second time. There are still so many little touches that you miss the first time of seeing it. While we were there we booked to see Paddington on the Christmas Eve matinee. I know it’s a kids’ film but I used to hoot out loud at the books when I was about 7 or 8. I still have affection for the little bear and I still have two duffle coats. I don’t have a floppy hat though. Paddington doesn’t, of course, take the pole ursine position in my heart; that is reserved for a certain bear of little brain with a fondness for honey.

We hit the charp quite tired, after a busy afternoon, evening and a second walking of the pack. Laura is definite we must visit her folks first thing in the morning, so we can take her car. It has dried off thorough in Dad’s garage and if it’s not raining in the morning she’ll drive it round.

Saturday December 20^th

We toyed with going swimming in Cockermouth first thing but then decided against it. The pool can be packed with too many people in the first session as it doesn’t open at 6am like the one we go to in Sheffield. Instead, after brekkers, I persuaded Loll to give me a tow on my roller blades when she drove round to her folks. She was a bit wary at first but in the end she agreed. The village is usually so quiet I was sure we’d not have a problem.

It was brilliant. I was a bit wary in case she pulled away with a jerk but she was smoothness itself and I was able to wheel along behind her on the length of tow rope fastened to the loop on the back of the car. As we got to the end of the one way bit I made frantic gestures to her to go round the whole circuit again, so she did. There was a really awkward moment where we hit the churned up surface at the start of the one way system and I nearly fell over (they really do need to resurface this bit of road). Fortunately, I am no novice on the blades (even though I haven’t used them for a while) and I was able to keep my footing. I certainly made the heart pump faster and got the adrenaline going.

At the end of the one way system I again made more signals for her to a do yet another circuit, so we whizzed round the corner. She stopped really abruptly as we had met a bloody tractor and trailer coming the wrong way round the one way system! With my momentum I let go of the towing rope and wheeled up to the tractor driver’s door, greeting him with a friendly, “What the f*ck are you doing driving the wrong way round here?”

He replied with, “What the f*ck are you doing being towed on a public road on roller blades?” Touche, I thought. We had a brief exchange of unpleasantries before Laura backed up the nearby big house’s access road and we let the twat past. The experience of almost hitting a vehicle driving the wrong way round a one way system had shaken Loll up a bit so I whipped off my boots and drove us barefoot to her folk’s house.

Molly could see Loll was a bit shaken up so I explained we had nearly run into a tractor and trailer going the wrong way round the one way system. She said that the idiot farmer does it all the time, his excuse is he can’t turn his tractor into the farm drive as they are too big! They never used to be too big, the parsimonious cnut just won’t pay to have his drive way altered, which is what it needs now he has bought these f*ck-off big tractors. It made me wonder if the size of the tractor was to make up for his tiny penis! Molly thought this was hilarious and is going to ask him the next time they see him in the pub!

Laura dug out her roller blades and we walked up Tall Hill to the seat and then put our on blades to whizz down again. It was brilliant. A bit scary over the bumpy bits in the road and there were two humungous potholes we had to avoid but otherwise it was so much fun, I wonder why I haven’t done it before?

Errol’s small bash was about thirty people big. Michael had a lady on his arm as he arrived, which was a relief. It meant he wouldn’t attempt to persuade me that what I needed was a nice cock inside me instead of Loll’s fingers. He has tried this before only to be surprised at getting a dousing in whatever drink I happened to have in my hand. I think the first time he thought it wasn’t deliberate; the second time he knew for sure it was. Of course, since then he has slept with Felice, which was probably a bit too exciting for him as the woman on his arm was almost his age (at a guess).

Errol had done another of his killer punches. It is usually lethal in large quantities. It was in a huge wine cooler which he had picked up at an antique fair somewhere, it would have held about four cases of wine in their bottle plus ice, so god only knows what the volume of his punch was. All I can say in my defence was we were walking home afterwards and I have always been known to not refuse a little drinkie. I suppose having a huge buffet meal would have helped to absorb some of the alcohol’s effects.

It was probably the excess of alcohol which persuaded Laura to agree to let me lick her out in one of the bedrooms. Inevitably this meant she had to do the same to me, so we ended up 69ing each other to orgasm on Errol’s spare bed. Luckily we weren’t disturbed by anyone but it did add to the excitement, the possibility we may be discovered in flagrante! I don’t think we had been missed by anyone when we reappeared in the kitchen for a refill of the punch.

We decided to troop back home at about 2pm and hit the charp. I simply let the dogs out into the paddock for their final romp and call of nature which meant I could be in and snuggled with Laura pretty pronto. We didn’t actually get to sleep until about 3 o’clock!

Sunday 21^st Dec

Grotty weather this morning which put paid to a walk up the hill with the pack but I figured it may be drier down at Allonby so after dressing swiftly I left the Lollster having a lie-in and drove Dad’s new tank down to the coast. Sure enough it wasn’t raining here at all. The tide was coming in though so we had to walk on the foreshore and along the new cycle path, rather than on the beach. Being a Sunday I was expecting it to be a bit busier than it was, although it was only 9.40 when we arrived (we’d both had a lie-in) there were very few cars or people about. The dogs like the coastal bit and find plenty to sniff at, plus I got to visit Twentyman’s and buy some old fashioned sugary sweets. A win win situation.

A look at our supplies meant we should go and do a food shop, so after a snack lunch we headed for Asda at Workington, which was absolutely heaving – even the car park! We bought enough food to feed an army for a few months and then headed back home. Loll’s big sister and hubby were at Molly & Eric’s so we went round there for tea and had a silly game of who am I? You know where you have a post it on your forehead with the name of someone famous on it. You have to guess who you are by asking questions. I was able to narrow down that I was a black American male singer from the 1980s. I have no idea who Lionel Ritchie is, even though they tried to tell me all about him when my 20 questions were up! I suppose it would have been like me writing Rene Descartes on one of my post-its for them!

After a scrumptious tea we all trooped back to Dad’s to watch Frozen on DVD, except for Molly’s big sister who said the most idiotic thing I have heard anyone say in a while: “I won’t watch it with you. It is on Sky later in the week and I would rather watch it in High Definition” What a moronic statement. I was going to let fly with a string of choice sarcastic comments but Laura caught my eye and shook her head; she mouthed, “It’s not worth it.” So I didn’t bother.

Those who hadn’t seen it before thought it was lovely. I still think the singing is terrible, all nasal and whiny and rather Johnny One-note like. Stephen wasn’t impressed, TBH, but then I suppose it is more of a girls’ film than a boys.

Through the film, we crunched our way through several bags of nuts, crisps, hoops; and doritos, and we drank four bottles of wine! They all then had some fresh coffee using Dad’s Expresso machine and some trifle before wandering off to their respective homes. The kitchen looked like a bomb had hit it! I spent a good hour tidying and cleaning up again afterwards. We have, maybe, foolishly invited Molly, Eric and Stephen to have Christmas lunch with us. They made a reciprocal offer for Boxing Day when the whole clan will be there. So I can make mess at someone else’s house (in high definition)!

We hit the charp quite early after our late night at Errol’s and the dogs had to be content with a romp in the paddock, again! I promised them a fell walk if the weather cleared up though.

An unexpected invitation

Monday 15^th December.

Well, nobody asked at the faculty meeting about Felice, so it looks like she has managed her hyper-skive really well. I bet if I tried it I would get caught and thrown off my PhD work or something.

I skyped Suze this morning and she was full of how nice Louisa is. Well, I know! She was gobsmacked at how young she was too. I know that too! The kids seem to like her, which is always the litmus test in my opinion. Apparently they have been telling tales of their mad Aunt Vic. That will do my ego a power of good! Rah, rah, rah!

Only Jill really remembers Dad very well, Annabelle has vague recollections and Jeff can’t recall him at all. That will be a blow to his attempts to be the cool gramps. Ha ha ha. They have been spending their time since they landed in the pool! You have to in the summer, it can be scorchio!

Last night for Trevor tonight and he bought Loll a pressie. That is an unexpected bonus.

Tuesday Dec 16^th

Full Uni day, and without Felice I seemed to just drift about formlessly and without focus. I am loath to do anything new without her but it is boring as hell. However, I now have the cleanest and tidiest office on campus. Perhaps in the whole history of campuses?

Oh, the girl tutee who gave me the invite to Friday’s party came to apologise for the guy being a pillock with Laura. She found out from some of her friends and they were a bit scared because apparently it looked like I was getting ready to deck him. How observant her friends were. I was getting ready to do him serious personal injury. We had a really long chat about her life and how much she has enjoyed her first term. She really loves Sheffield and would love to stay after her degree. She was also very complimentary about me as a personal tutor. It seems her friends at other Unis have a similar system but their PT’s don’t do anything like I do. (Maybe I am doing it wrong?)

We lunched at Lokanta for the last time this year, although it was much busier than usual. We have been such regulars this semester the waiter found us a table almost at once. We had the lunch special (as usual) and afterwards had a steady wander back through the shops on Broomhill, then back down to Uni. Loll has a couple of lectures, still, but I just messed about really.

Olivia had her final lesson tonight and still can’t get head round how long our holidays are compared to school ones! I gave her a past exam paper to attempt over Christmas, which was not a good idea, you could tell. Still, I explained she could do it on the nights we were still in Cumbria when she would have her lesson. Sadly her Mum thought that was good idea. Oh dear. How to make friends and influence people, or what?

Wednesday 17^th December.

Secret Santa Day at XXX & Y. My miniature whisky and pair of engraved glasses went down a treat. I was given a personal teapot, with stand and built in infuser with two large cups. This means I will be able to have leaf tea at work instead of bags. They really must have asked about me before shopping. It is a brilliant pressie. Sadly I hadn’t got any leaf tea with me to try it out, so I will have to wait until we get back in January.

Christopher came down with a top-up of his Mum’s Mince pies, which was unexpected but very sweet. My favourite barrister threw a spanner in our end of season works by inviting me and Laura to a soiree at hers tomorrow night. We had to do some frantic calling to try and swap Sally and Jenny-Leigh to this evening. Luckily we were able to do so. Bobbi has doubled up with Sally so many times this year they must be used to it by now.

The evening went pretty well and all three pupils were given past papers to tide them over the gap between their start of the new term and our return. It seems that in future the lesson will coincide with University semesters anyway so that the student doesn’t have to stay on beyond the end of their session. It is only because we started later that the lessons, owing to the police checks, haven’t quite matched up.

Thursday 18^th December.

The soiree was quite select and with only Laura and me from our chambers. The rest were people of MFB’s acquaintance, from all works of life. (OK, there were no dockers.) We had a great evening once I realised that dress casually means something different to people whose salary is four or five times that of mine. Laura went for her red tulip dress. She looks like sex on legs in it and I had to eat her a little before we left, as it makes me want her so much when she’s in it. I think she sort of knew as when I raised the hem I discovered she had no underwear on. “Do you know, you have done this the last five times I have worn this dress?” was her comment before my tongue brought forth a different sort of expression from her.

We agreed that she wouldn’t reciprocate yet, but if an opportunity arose at MFB’s we’d take it! I love it when she enters the spirit of sexual anarchy with me. [Who would have thought that less than two years ago she was a virgin? Technically, I suppose she still is!]

I went in my Mondrian leggings and a crop top under Dad’s leather biker jacket but when we arrived I saw this would be far too casual so I made a swift exit to the little girls’ room and changed into my multi-purpose black dress. It is a ruched fabric and so doesn’t show any creases. My FB said, “Weren’t you in leggings a moment ago?” I had to agree, but explained about my emergency standby outfit. She thought it was a hoot. We had a closer look at the fabric and she asked where it came from. That is the damning thing about this dress, I haven’t a clue where I got it. I know it was somewhere in London when Rick and I went shopping once but I couldn’t tell you which shop under pain of death. It is fairly loose fitting with an elasticated waist and round neckline. There are vague, flower shaped splodges on it, in purple, pink and silver.

There were eleven of us assembled and we had a sort of hot buffet followed by a selection of desserts. There would have been enough for double the number. It was hard to tell what everyone did for a living as all MFB did was introduce each other by name and that was all. No explanation of their profession or how she knew them.

I did recognise Adriana after we were introduced but as she had dyed and restyle her hair I was surprised as she looked so different (she is one of MFB’s clients). There was also a person who claimed to be an agent for a local MP who looked like a stuffed shirt but was amusing about life around Westminster.

We gossiped and joked and chattered and all we all got on like a house on fire. It was a really pleasant way to round off our week at work. One thing we did discover was that none of the assemble throng were spending Christmas at home. That must be unusual in itself. The destinations were many and varied. Three were ski-ing somewhere, a handful were catching some winter sun near to or actually in the tropics and the other three were staying in the UK – in the Lake District; me & Laura and a guy who sounded as though he was a doctor, or involved in medicine in some way. It turned out he is a dentist and was staying at the George Hotel in Keswick.

It was quite a surprise to discover it was midnight. We left just before we all turned back into mice or pumpkins. I think the best part about the evening was the unexpected nature of it all, the invitation came out of the blue and we met some very interesting people whom we probably would never have encountered at all in our lives.

One small aside, Adriana asked me if I had done anything about the ‘business’. I told her I just couldn’t, even though I had rationalised it in my head, it still felt as though I’d be cheating. She asked if ever her clients wanted a three way with her, would I like to be the second woman. I told her I would give it serious thought. I think the answer is going to be thanks, but no thanks.

Rescuing Laura and a Hobbitathon!

Friday December 12^th.

Maybe it was a mistake attending the party tonight. Or was it just the clothes we wore that was the problem? Laura decided, with my encouragement, to wear one of her buttock skimming dresses and I went in a trouser suit that simply screamed “Dyke!”. This wasn’t a problem for most of the evening. We arrived fashionably late – 10pm and we introduced to those in the room already, which was unusual for a student party, from my recollection.

By around midnight there wouldn’t have been the chance to introduce anyone to anybody else, the whole house was heaving. Laura had wandered off somewhere and I was engaged in a chat with a couple about Pompeii and the finds there. It wasn’t raucous or out of hand but there were far more people around than I would have felt comfortable with, if it had been a party at my house. I had been given scraps of paper with mobile phone numbers and e-mail addresses most of the night (I stuffed them into my jacket’s top pocket). I just smiled at the giver and put them away. I didn’t offer anyone my own in reciprocation, which [you’d have thought] might have told them all something, wouldn’t you?

Laura and I had decided to mingle and I ended up chatting to loads of different undergraduates, all of whom seemed very young and very naïve. Maybe I am getting old. I found Loll after a while and refilled her drink [I was driving and so was on juice or anything non-alcoholic I could find]. I wandered back to the kitchen and got involved in a discussion about the merits of reducing the drink drive limit to zero. This was with a group of students who obviously had never been behind the wheel of a car. Their views were zealous, forthright and wrong! I asked them several questions and it was patently clear none of them knew the first thing about how alcohol makes you think you are OK when in fact you aren’t at all. Some of them didn’t even know why a car full of people is more dangerous for a novice driver than drinking.

I had to explain the altered steering dynamics of a full car and how it would perform in the same way as just a car and one driver. That was why there were lots of fatalities in situations where the car was full of people, especially young people! It was due to the increased inertia in the vehicle, which caused all sorts of unforeseen problems for a new driver which they would never have encountered or even been taught.

It was at this point I got a text from Loll with just “!” as the message. This was one of our quick instant messages and it means she needs me. I went back into the main room, but she wasn’t there. After wandering a bit I finally tracked her down in another room which was half full of people and may have been a dining room She was sort of in a corner, with a bloke standing in front of her. He had his arm out and was blocking her way out of the space. As I watched she tried to move out of his reach but he moved his arm a bit which meant she’d have to touch him to move or stay where she was.

She caught my eye and did they eye roll into the top of her head, which let me know she was alright but would appreciate some help getting away from this drongo.

I cheerfully, and in mock innocence walked across to where they were, and said, “Ah, there you are. It’s time we were going…”

The drongo came back with, “No she doesn’t. She and I are having a little talk, so run along and leave us alone.”

I asked her, again with fake naivety, “Do you want to stay or are you ready to go?”

She said, “I think it is time for us to go, yes.”

I muscled past the idiot’s arm, took Loll’s out stretched hand and we attempted to move away.

“Bugger off, bitch! She is staying here. She and I are getting to know each other…”

“You heard her, she wants to leave so we are going! Goodnight.” I pushed his arm away again and stood aside in front of him to let Laura pass.

“Not so fast, you cow. She and I haven’t finished.”

I wasn’t sure what to do next but Laura took over the situation, “Yes, we have you fucking halfwit. Actually, compared to you a halfwit would be gifted. If you were the last man on the planet I would kill myself rather than having anything to do you. But for her, I would do anything…” She turned back to me and kissed me hard and passionately for what seemed like forever, but was probably only about twenty seconds. “It is scum like you which make me so pleased I am a lesbian.” She linked her arm through mine and we walked out through the doorway.

Through the open door I hear a male voice say, “Ha ha, Andy. She had you pegged right didn’t she? Bloody gorgeous and a lemon, eh? You’d never have guessed.”

We strolled out through the kitchen door and on to the back lane where I had parked up a few hours earlier. As we sat in the car I said, “OMG I am so bloody horny. I can’t wait to get you back home, my lass.” She told me to drive and she would help me out on the way.

I once gave Richard a blowjob while he was driving and he was so turned on but nervous as hell that he would crash as he couldn’t concentrate properly. He pulled up at the kerbside, abruptly, as he started to fire his load into my mouth and then he needed a couple of minutes to recover before he drove on again. I had to do a swift stop just opposite the Middlewood park and ride carpark for a similar reason. I couldn’t concentrate as the orgasm her fingers had produced washed through me.

Callie was surprised to be ignored as we burst into the kitchen [a few minutes later] but I think she has witnessed what followed so many times now, not to be phased by it at all. She has also got used to a short wander round the back field if her mum has been busy making those squealing noises. We slept though until 9 am, even Callie!

Saturday 13^th Dec.

Lying in bed this morning, Laura asked what I’d have done if that drongo, last night, had turned violent. I told her I would have hit him with the ball of my palm, square on the end of his nose, with as much force as I could. She wanted to know if it would have been effective. I explained that for me, who has a relatively slight punch in comparison to a guy, it would have done the trick but if a muscular bloke did it, there was a chance the breaking nose bone could enter the skull and cause death. We had been shown how to do it as a last resort during our self-defence classes. It always breaks the nose and usually produces a lot of blood. Apparently most people, when confronted with their own blood, tend to stop and try to deal with the blood. Kicking them in the goolies is good but sometimes may be not as effective as a bashed nose.

I was probably blustering again, but she does know I have broken a guy’s little fingers using one of the techniques we were taught so I think she accepted it. It would all have come down to what he did first. Another thing we were taught was; do not start anything, in a court of law that would count against you. If you react to defend yourself, 99 times out of 100, you’ll get away with it. I can break most holds but if he’d been lashing out I would have been under more of a threat. Fortunately, it didn’t happen.

We spent a lazy day having a “Hobbitathon” because I have booked tickets to see The Battle of Five Armies tomorrow and I thought we should refresh our memories of the (drastically revised) story. We watched film one after lunch and film two after our evening meal. They really are excellent and make a brilliant holiday advert for New Zealand, even if they take extra-ordinary liberties with Tolkien’s tale. I hated the way film two just stopped though, so I hope film three just starts from there and we don’t get a “Previously on…“ section first. That would be utterly tedious in the extreme.

As the day was unusually clear, we took Callie out after the first film, but only down the road a little, to Loxley Edge, in case the weather turned on us. It didn’t. So we walked the really long circuit and arrived back at the car park just as the light was fading. We did toy with the idea of having sex, there and then in the car, but despite the dry weather it was really quite cold and the inside of the car was freezing. We drove back home and indulged ourselves before the second film. (And after too!) 

Our Christmas card count has now reached 50. It is going to cost us a mint to post all our cards out! Phew. Still, it is nice to get them. There have been several smug and self-congratulatory letters in cards from my friends from Norwich and University. I toyed with the idea of putting one in my cards but I tend to just scribble a little note inside the card instead. This year I have been putting:

“Summer in Australia was brilliant! We actually found a lot of culture in WA (no not yogurts!). The PhD. Is progressing well; we are about halfway through our translations. Life with Laura is as blissful as I imagined. We do seem to be very busy though; work, tutoring, concerts and theatre (it works out at over 1 per week!) plus Rock climbing and fell walking, not to mention all the swimming! Have fun…”

That seems better than the never ending boasting I have been getting about their children or their holidays or how much they have spent on trivialities! Maybe I am being unfair, but have my friends always been slaves to mammon and materialism? I hope I am not as culpable. I don’t think so. I think my life has always been about experiencing things rather than owning them, so maybe that’s why I am not bothered about the things they have written about?

We decided we would spend the first weekend up in Cumbria watching the complete Lord of the Rings trilogy as Middle-Earth would still be fresh in our minds. All three copies are actually up there already in my bedroom at Dad’s but we’ll watch them on Dad’s ‘council house telly’ as it is about double the size of the one in my bedroom.

As we were out late last night I was nodding during Montalbano. I did make it to the end and then sleep walked Callie for her last walk of the day. I sort of thing Laura was planning on more nookie when I got back as she still had the bedroom light on and she was lying fast asleep next to one of our double enders. I decided if she woke up as I slipped into bed I’d go for it, she didn’t. (We used in in the morning instead!)

Sunday 14^th December.

Good seats, aisle seats, you feel you can rush out in an emergency. I always book aisle seats for most shows. It is awkward having to keep shuffling to let people past but I don’t feel enclosed or hemmed in. [This is the girl who has flown the world in economy class throughout her childhood!] Our aisle seats at the cinema were pretty comfy, they were arranged in such a way that if you slumped down in your seat, you still didn’t get the head of the person in front blocking your view. Oh why aren’t all theatre seats like this too?

The auditorium was about half to three quarters full, which wasn’t bad for a Sunday afternoon. I was expecting it to be heaving but it was quite OK. The performance time said 14.10 as I knew there would be at least 10 minutes of adverts and trailers, we strolled in at 14.20. We had another 8 minutes of bloody adverts! Arrrggghhh! I hate having to sit through all that shit.

The film did start exactly as it had ended, in a way, except it began even before the first film started!! Then it jumped back to Smaug flying to destroy Lake Town. I am not sure how long the film was but it held me gripped throughout. I was so entranced I forgot all about the huge packet of midget gems I had smuggled in to scoff.

Laura wanted to know if the Orc leader was in the original book when we had watched the first two films and I explained just how much wasn’t in Tolkien’s story. The love interest element wouldn’t even have been on JRR’s radar when he was writing the book. I bet her that Tauriel would die at the end of the story, so she would have her absence from the LOTR trilogy explained. She didn’t! I knew that Fili and Kili had to die in the film but they didn’t die defending Thorin as they had in the book. I explained that in order to avoid convoluted inheritance they were probably killed off by Tolkien to make Thorin’s succession less complicated, Ironfoot becomes ‘King Under The Mountain’ in the book, if the two had lived then Kili would have been the next king.

Despite all the changes it still had unity and it held together as a convincing narrative structure [although, Mr Jackson, why isn’t Tauriel in the LOTR?]. I can’t wait to see it again.

It was strange coming out of the cinema, so early in the afternoon, into darkness. We caught the tram back to Middlewood and then picked up Loll’s car to drive back home. Automatic ovens are brilliant inventions, our meat and potato pie was ready to scoff as we arrived, a bit earlier than we’d usually eat but we had been on a long journey and fought a very tiring battle against overwhelming odds!

As a footnote we had an answer machine message from Felice. She had arrived safely back in Arcachon and wanted me to lie for her if I was asked where she was at the faculty meeting next week. Could I say she was at the Modern Foreign Languages faculty meeting? She had already briefed Antoine to say she was at the History faculty meeting if her absence was noticed in MFL. She has a bloody cheek. The nice thing about it being an answer machine message was I didn’t have to say “Yes!”

I am now not only Jane Eyre and Lisbeth Salander I am also Silvan elf Tauriel too!

The Works Christmas Party

Monday December 8^th

An aalii is an Australian shrub, so you’d have thought Dad would have known my scrabble word was correct. If he hadn’t chuntered on so much I wouldn’t have used a variation of those words towards him this morning. He sulked. If you can picture a 61 year old sulking, he did that this morning. I was sort of worried that when we got back from worked he’d have trashed the house and left. Luckily he hadn’t. In fact he’d got a meal ready for us prior to our trip to the City Hall. If Fasta Pasta is my ‘go to’ dish, then his is Curry in a Hurry. I do a variation of it but it doesn’t taste quite the same as Dad’s in the same way that his FP doesn’t taste the same as mine.

Our day at work was much of a muchness, it seems that at both Uni and XXX & Y everyone is already thinking of Christmas. There is a wind down feeling in the air and yet we are still three weeks away from the modified Saturnalia festival. What is wrong with these people?

Felice is still here but she is definitely going back down to the south of France on Friday which makes me wonder if we ought to wander up Dad’s this coming weekend and stay there?  We did a fair amount of tech. stuff this morning with the casket as though Feli is making up for a tawdry effort earlier on so she can skip off. I may be unfair.

I told all my worries about Christmas spirit to Mrs Briggs and she thought it was endemic. Not just here but across the whole country. She was particularly scathing about lights outside houses, I had to agree I think they are, first of all, common as muck and secondly I have a feeling that these people are sort of accusing those who don’t put out any decorations as being Scrooges! I have no proof of that latter statement, of course, but that is way it seems to me. The way our society is going, we are becoming more like Germany after Hitler was pronounced Chancellor than good old tolerant UK. Mrs Briggs was critical of UKIP for this as they seem to have swapped blaming the Juden for Immigrants, but the next step down UKIP’s road is bound to be the final solution.

I told her my history teacher started her GCSE course with these two statements on the board: History Teaches Us Nothing. (because) People Are Stupid. She thought this was really funny and so true.

Dad’s choice of concert has to be the worst of all the ones I have been to this year. I suppose it is my own fault for believing Dad when he said they were really good, and I must remember them from when I was a toddler. Well, Durr Dad! I didn’t. If I had I would have declined your offer of tickets! I suppose it is different when you don’t wear the rose tinted specs of nostalgia. I thought even Louisa was getting fidgety at one point or that could just have been my new sister playing up!

OK, to be fair they were OK. They played some rousing enough and melodic enough tunes to raise a smile from time to time and I did remember a tune called Dignity. Otherwise I wouldn’t actually have had them on my list of things to see this year. It appeared not a lot of people did either as the Hall wasn’t exactly bursting at the seams. Still, bonding with your parent is always good regardless of the circumstances, so that’s all right then!

Trevor was very good about swapping his day to Tuesday so we could go and see Deacon Blue, he did say “Who?” in a really surprised voice apparently, which should have made the alarms bells ring.

Tuesday 9^th December.

Dad and Louisa had made us breakfast when we got back from the pool today, which was unexpected, but very nice. They were heading straight to Lancaster for the day as Dad was sorting stuff out and then on Friday Errol is driving them to the airport. Good old Errol, say I. It means the Aged P. hasn’t roped yours truly in for both airport journeys. Yes, that’s right, muggins here has said she’ll collect them when they get back. They fly back on the 12^th, too. So we’ll get about three and a half weeks at the house by ourselves, which isn’t too bad really. By January there should be some decent snow for sledging and the like.

We left at the same time as D & L and I know we got to our destination first! LOL A full library day for Laura and a full cache day for me, but with a little aside; we’ve found a locksmith who knows the lock on the casket and is able to replicate a key. That is pretty neat. It will mean the lock will need some oiling so there have been lengthy discussions on what we should do. In those days mineral oil was unheard of it was all vegetable or animal. The upshot is we are going to do some tests of all three kinds of oil first on some odds and sods of metal and wood from that period to see what effect it will have before going ahead.

Now call me cynical but I cannot see the point in this exercise. It sounds like conservation disappearing up its own rectum to me. Naturally I didn’t put it like that but I did ask what difference it would make what oil we used? The answer I received was long winded, obfuscatory and didn’t actually shed much light at all. My interpretation of the answer was, they didn’t know and although best evidence suggests there’ll be no problem they aren’t going to run the risk. It seems the buzz idea in conservation these days is we must only do something which can be easily reversed in case a better method of conservation is found in the future. Now call me Mrs Tine’s Daughter (Phyllis), but even without a degree in chemistry or conservation or talking gobbledy gook to confound the listener, I cannot see how any kind of oil would pose a threat. I suppose it means someone in authority’s backside is covered if it goes belly up!

Olivia as the same question as Trevor. Although to be fair, and not to diss Olivia, she does think One Direction are good. Teenagers, eh? Totally lacking any musical discernment at all. LOL

There is no point in railing on at me about my musical discernment as a teenager. I was already loving Beethoven’s Missa Solemnis at 13. So yah boo to you!

Olivia and Trevor weren’t affected by the let’s shirk it’s nearly Christmas bug and I got a lot done with Livvy, so much so that I am convinced she’ll do well in her GCSEs. It is way too early to let her sail solo yet but she will be fine by the time June comes round. Both she and Trev are amazed at how much time we get off at Christmas, so I kept quiet about the amount of ‘holidays’ we get throughout the year. It will only make them envious.

Wednesday 10^th Dec.

The buffet meal was more meal than buffet really. In a function room somewhere out Ecclesfield way. In fact it was very tastefully done and the disco bit was in another room through two sets of doors, so you can guess what happened… A hard-core group of disco enthusiasts decamped in there as soon as they had scoffed (not perhaps a good idea to shimmy round like that after cramming all that nosh down your neck) and the more discerning gannets stayed put to pick at the carcase of the buffet like a flock of vultures. You can have more sausages on sticks or salmon fancies after you have eaten your dessert. We proved it!

We circled some of the tables, like wagon trains against the red Indians and had a major gossipy, boozy, cat-calling chat. It was great fun. My partner and I don’t know all the people at work yet as they are so many of us all in the same building. The Scampi Tails are drawn from over four different departments, for example. But we all knew enough office intrigue to interest everyone else.

There was a minor embarrassing moment as a girl from accounts started recounting a tale about a love struck member of their team who was besotted with a former full-timer who had gone part-time to do a degree at the Uni. I let her warble on like this for a while before I piped up, “Actually, I know all about Christopher and his crush but we are OK about it now.” Ground swallowing time. Kate was quite upset that she’d been talking about one of us round the table, but I was cheered by three others saying, “We knew you were on about Chris and Maia, we just wanted so see how deep a hole you’d dig…”. I wandered round and sat next to her and assured her that I was fine with her tale as I had come to terms with it three years ago. I went to explain in details which she didn’t know how it had all come about.

She did ask why I had spurned his advances and I pointed out Laura at the other end of the corralled tables, sharing a giggle with Sumira and Anita. “She is why…”

“Do you mean that….” Unfinished question time.

“Yep, we’re a pair of lemons. Don’t fret though, I am not after a new partner. In fact, before Laura my partner was male…”

We then embarked on a long and detailed chat about sexuality and how she had always been intrigued but had never had the nerve to do anything… She moaned about the men in her life and how they were all so boringly, mind-bogglingly dull (and predicatble).

I told her that her New Year Resolution ought to be ‘giving lesbianism a chance’. All of my immediate colleagues knew, and my line manager (even Mr Carr. She gasped at that!) and none of them had a problem with it. In fact once they met the object of my desires (and lusts and fantasies and ….) they were all blown away by how unlike a stereotypical lesbian she is. We ended up engrossed for quite a while until someone suggested we ought to show our faces through in the disco bit.

Grudgingly I collected the blonde bombshell at the other end of the table and we trooped through into the other room. The noise was really over powering. I mean very very loud indeed. It had been loud at some of the concerts I have been to (with Dad) but this was off the scale. Plus the excuse for music that was being played was execrable. We made a show of shuffling around for a bit and smiling and nodding to other people. After about five or six tediously repetitive numbers I shouted in the Lollster’s ear, “Are you enjoying this?”

“Not really…” was her reply. I gestured back to the doors and we sidled off back to the buffet room. Judging by the activity in the disco itself that bit was proving quite popular and if you looked at the ones still in the buffet room you could discern a noticeable gender and age split. We were now back in a largely male and older demographic than next door. For some reason it made me feel incredibly old. We snagged some more drinks from the side table, free wine and beer here, spirits had to be bought at the bar two rooms in the opposite direction (and different beer and wine too if you wanted). As we sat down we were joined by Tim Carr. He pulled up a chair and asked if we had danced out, or were we refortifying ourselves for a fresh onslaught. We told him we had ‘danced out’ and that we suddenly felt really old. He said that it happens to us all, except my Dad, perhaps. We went into a detour about Dad & Louisa and how he was either having a midlife crisis or was in his second youth. They have known each other since Harrow, so I guess not much is off limits. I told him I didn’t think Dad had ever left his first youth and that was probably why he and Mum had split up.

He asked what she thought of the new impending arrival. I answered honestly when I said she was shocked at first and then pleased for Louisa. I didn’t tell him she’d also said, “It means he’ll probably stick around until it’s 16 at least. That’s what he did for you!”  That is one of the most hateful things I have heard Mum say about Dad. She usually never lets her old emotions surface. I know enough not to ask questions when she says things like that, it makes her clam up. An encouraging or sympathetic grunt can often provoke even more revelations. We did have a big chat about it in Australia when we got sozzled at Margaret River. That was a wonderful night as I got to know more about what Mum really felt about things than I have before.

Even Mr Carr rolled his eyes upwards when I said Dad had gone to see Deacon Blue on Monday. He asked “Why?” with such feeling I just had to laugh in agreement.

He finally wobbled away to the next table and Loll and I decided that discretion was the better part of Valerie and we snuck off into the night. This was after I had the presence of mind to order a taxi for us; there were some benefits to the venue being in Ecclesfield. It was only two miles and £10 for us to get back home. The taxi driver disputed where we lived saying he had never seen our house number on Tractor Lane. I pointed out we were on the little private road off to the left, up the hill. He then wanted to drive along it to drop us at our door, I had to tell him it would be easier if the dropped as the end because if everyone is in, their cars would line the lane and there would be no place to turn round so he’d have to back out, about 80 yards on to the road again. He did as we asked.

When I took Callie for her last walk, in my party frock but with trainers and a duvet coat on, he was still sitting in his taxi, pointing back down-hill. He wound down the window and joked about my attire. As if on cue Callie jumped up at the door, put her front paws on the open window frame and licked him! I have never seen her do that before ever. She gave his cheek and ear a swift swipe. I don’t think he was amused. I was though!

Thursday 11^th December.

I think that parties mid-week are not a good idea for some people. We met several at XXX & Y when we arrived after Uni this arvo who still looked a bit worse for wear. This didn’t happen after we went to the theatre last year. LOL

Today was business as usual for the two blondes from up north, we hadn't drunk to excess and were bright eyed and bushy tailed and quite probably annoying as hell. I guess that is always the way when you've stayed relatively sober and others haven't. To be honest I have seen the phenomenon from both sides and I certainly know which of the two I prefer!

Plus staying sober means you don't wake up with a sore vagina and half of the campus football team lying next to you in bed! Not as though that has happened to me, you understand.

Jenny-Leigh, Sally and Bobbi all put in sterling work this evening and we got Christmas cards from all three of them, bless! The amount of trouble they had spelling my name was a joy to behold, I was a Mia, a Maya and a Maja (no idea of the provenance of the last one). It does sort out the Classicists from the common herd, I have discovered. Even little Laura didn't know how to spell it, but she had the nonce to ask.

A parcel from Aus. should have arrived by now, according to an e-mail from my sister. I will Skype her in the morning and see what's afoot. Assuming she isn't working afters this week, that is.

We spent a lazy relaxed post lesson chill out, just having a cuddle on the sofa and listening to Dad's burned The Endless River again. It actually isn't as mindlessly noodley as I first thought. It is good to snuggle up to. Laura decided that it would be good to make love to, so we got heavily into that just as it finished. She moaned that was just typical of men, giving up before the climax! We just giggled for ages.

Then continued where we had left off, with the same CD left on repeat...

Aalii as a scrabble word? You bet!

Friday December 5^th

One of those ‘where did it go?’ days, today. We followed the usual routines, walk, swim, breakfast, Uni etc and it seemed to fly past.

We helped it at lunch time by strolling down to the Millennium Gallery to look at the Handmade for Christmas Sheffield exhibition. It wasn’t exactly what I expected. I thought it would be a look at the things being manufactured in Sheffield but it was a shopping exhibit. Having said that, there were some gorgeous things for sale in there with a huge variation in prices.

I found a gorgeous make-up bag thing which was about the size of one of those old cylindrical pencil cases you used to get in school, but was full of zips and pockets and the like. I was very tempted to buy it. Until I saw it was £45! The tag had a web-address attached which I noted down. Back in Uni I was able to discover not only was it the maker’s website, selling more hand-made bags, there was also a link to buy the pattern for the make-up bag. Not being one to shirk a challenge I have ordered a pattern. It is about time my Janome sewing machine began to earn its keep again.

The beauty of the bag is you can make them out of a multitude of fabric scraps rather than having them all the same material, so that should make it a lot cheaper to buy. All I have to do now is wait for it to arrive.

I phoned Mum after work to let her know Dad & Louisa were coming down on Sunday. She likes to know these things so she doesn’t turn up and find them at my house. Awkwardness has followed such a chance encounter. She knows I am house sitting for Dad at Christmas and we think it would be a wonderful ruse if Mum and Gran came across as well, while Dad & Louisa are in Australia. Dad has always let me invite guests to stay, so why not my Mum and Gran? She thought it was a great idea and she is going to Skype Gran this evening to ask what she thinks.

We discussed the tree decorations and arranged to swap colours again. Last year I had red, gold and green and Mum had blue, silver and clear; this year we’ll swap our boxes so we each get the others colours. It is a neat arrangement and avoids masses of boxes needing to be stored. Steve has told me to expect a Christmas tree on Saturday morning so we’ll have to think of a method of making it stand up! I am not going to dress it until Sunday as I have invited Dad & Louisa to help. Well, it seemed like a nice thing to do.

Looking out my bauble boxes from the under-eaves storage I rummaged in my material trunk, this fits in front of the under-eaves access door, hiding it from view. It is full of off cuts of material I have accumulated over the years. I don’t know why exactly but it seemed like a good thing to do. I should have enough scraps in there to make at least 10 of these bags if I wish. I think I may make it a house sitting project at Dad’s. He has enough space for me to spread my stuff out and to leave it out, so I can just come back when I feel like it. Laura has said we could make a production line, she does the cutting out and I do the sewing. I will need to visit Fun2do Carlisle to buy hundreds of zips, first.

Saturday 6^th December.

I get up pretty early to walk Callie. I am usually out of the back door and through my conservatory at 6am, or just before. This morning a large, green, netting sausage was leaning against my gate. The Christmas tree! God knows when Steve put it there, but I am very impressed. I stood it on the stump and it seems to be just about as tall as me and I am 5’ 7. I have already worked out how to stand it up. I have some pieces of five eights ply wood in the shed. No Idea why I have it, but never mind. If I saw the stump of the tree off level, I can fasten a disc of this plywood to the bottom and then place it in my zinc bucket, which I will fill with gravel. I have a few spare bags of that for the front drive. (It’s my OCD, don’t worry about it!) This will be this morning’s project.

Funny thing on the walk today, which shows how much of a people dog Callie is. Every morning (or most mornings) I pass a woman (girl probably) in a high-vis jacket coming out of a drive and walking towards the main road to catch the bus to work. This is usually just as I am heading back home along our little cul-de-sac. I think she works at a Nursery in the City as in the summer she was wearing a polo shirt with a nursery name embroidered on the front.

We pass a few words and she always stokes Callie’s head. If Callie spots her first, she’ll run on ahead doing her doggy squeal of excitement (it is a weird noise she makes!). This morning, coming out of Bernard Road was a guy (who I have never seen before) with two dogs on leads (bitzers) heading towards me and Callie. I was just about to call her to heel when she took off! Bloody disobedient dog, although as I hadn’t given a command that doesn’t really work, does it?

She got half way towards the dogs and then saw the girl in the high-vis jacket leaving her house. It was as though I could actually see the thought process going through Callie’s head. She stopped dead, like she does when she’s scented something out shooting, she looked at the girl, looked at the man with the dogs, looked at me and made a bee-line for girl. When she got to her the girl did her usual scratching of Callie’s head whilst the man with dogs walked on up the hill ignored. I asked her if she felt honoured. She asked why? I told her that faced with a decision between her and the two unknown dogs, Callie had chosen her.

That might tell you something about dogs’ psyche, or it might tell you something about Weimaraners or even something about how I have trained Callie. It was strange to watch her have to make a choice between a human or a dog and she chose a human!

Back home Laura said, “She just likes having her head scratched, don’t you girl?” To which Callie wobbled over and allowed Laura to scratch her head as if to prove a point.

We had our swim, breakfast and read of the morning papers before I finally got round to dealing with the Christmas tree. I decided to leave it in its net to make it easier to handle, and Loll helped me cart it down to the shed to have its stump cut. It hardly needed a cut. The chopping down had been done almost at 90 degrees to the trunk. I measured the base of the zinc bucket. Found a smallish piece of the ply wood and drew on the circle on to it, after measuring again just to make sure I was correct. A swift hole drilled through the centre of the wood and a smaller one in the trunk of the tree allowed the two items to be fastened together with the longest countersunk headed screw I could find in my tool box. (Yes I have a tool box. Who else is going to do stuff when you are single and a homeowner? So I got myself sorted.)

Without the net removed, it stood up fine by itself but I wasn’t planning on having it fall over in the lounge fully bedecked, so we hoicked it back into the conservatory, placed it in the bucket and I emptied a bag of gravel over my handiwork. “Job’s a good un” – as my Dad would say. We left it netted in there for the time being.

Mum arrived at about 12.30 with her box of baubles, so I carried mine out to her car. She stayed for a cuppa and one of Christopher’s Mum’s mince pies. She had two cups and three mince pies and talked us into going over to Wentworth Garden Centre to look for some new light for her tree! This was foolish. It was packed! You could tell it was going to be busy by the queue for the car park! We elbowed our way through the teeming hordes and Mum did find some lights she liked. We then walked around the craft section of the garden centre; this is a series of small buildings turned into little workshops and shops. There must be about 20 there altogether. Guess what? I found another woman selling bags similar to the ones at the Handmade for Christmas exhibition. Hers were £35 which is still a lot of money.

In order to stop Mum spending £35, I promised to make her one when my pattern arrived. So, I have to make some now, or else…

Back home we had a swiftly prepared mid-afternoon lunch type meal and Mum whizzed off back to Holmesfield all set to decorate her tree in red, gold and green with some new lights. She and Gran think going to Dad’s for New Year is a great idea and they are all for it. Mum will drive up to Hawick to collect Gran on the 30^th and they will drive straight across to Tallentire. I mean, what is the worst that can happen?

Spent some time re-arranging the lounge to take the Christmas tree. Not a long job really, as I have a minimalist approach to furniture and clutter. It is now in its place ready for the aged parent’s visit and tree decoration.

Sunday December 7^th

Up and out before dawn with Callie. I am so glad the shortest day will soon be here and it will gradually become lighter again in the mornings. I don’t think I suffer from SAD but I do prefer it to be light when I walk the woofie in the mornings. I don’t think she cares so long as she is out, with me, in the open air.

After a leisurely breakfast I was all prepared for Dad and Louisa to roll up at around lunch time. To that end I put a ham in to boil for lunch and our evening meal and it had only been bubbling away for about half an hour when the aforementioned aged-parent and step-mother arrived on our door step. 10.45. They must’ve been up with the larks too.

After a reviving cup of tea and a bit of a natter, Dad and Laura decamped to the lounge to decorate the tree whilst Louisa and I set to on prepping the veggies for lunch. I always do a mountain of vegetables with our meals. They are good for you and I like them. Today I had broccoli and cauliflower in the steamer, with mange tout below and carrots and peas in the bottom layer. I had potatoes ready for mash, a pan of savoy cabbage and some leeks set to go in the microwave. My plan was we’d eat the ham, hot with pineapple, and then in the evening we’d have it cold with a bubble and squeak made from the left over veggies. It was a big enough ham that with judicious carving (I would defer to Dad, even though I am adept enough myself) we’d have enough to fill our sangers for Monday’s lunch.

By the time we had chopped and sliced and en-panned the assortment of greenery for lunch the Lollster and Dad had decked the tree with all our baubles, lights and tinsel. All that was needed was the grand switch on. Rah rah rah. It does look lovely. 

Dad disappeared for a moment and came back with a medium sized cardboard box. He told me he’d bought it to go in my conservatory, so I would at least have a token gesture of outside lights showing for the festive season. I could have hit him. He knows I hate all that ostentatious display of how full of the Christmas Spirit a house is by the number of gaudy and tacky lights strung up outside. It turned out that in the box was a 3 foot Christmas three with fibre optic lights at the end of each of the branches. Tacky it wasn’t, actually. It also did look lovely on the rattan and glass table in the conservatory. I know I will get remarks from the neighbours but it looks very cute. It is relaxing to watch it change colour.

After lunch, which we only half demolished, I asked if they wanted to go for a stroll. Nothing strenuous for Louisa. They agreed and I took them over to Burbage and we walked along the edge where Laura and I regularly rock climb. It was only a brief walk and the wind was whipping at us quite cruelly. There was no snow yet on any of the tops, which was a disappointment. Dad said there was a dusting on the giants as they drove through the Lakes on their way down. That’s something to look forward to when we are house sitting.

Dad cooked the bubble and squeak and Laura was his sous-chef for the evening. We finished with some apple scones I had baked which were really much nicer than I imagined they’d be. Dad played scrabble against me whilst Loll and Louisa sat and gossiped about the new arrival. For someone who has sworn she isn’t ever having one of those ‘boody things’ inside her, she seemed quite animated.

Dad was annoyed with aalii in my final go at our game, but had to concede it was in the Official Scrabble Words book so he had to concede defeat. It was a pretty poor game though, no seven letter words at all. We had the new Pink Floyd album Dad had sent me playing in the background and, even though I am still of the opinion the bleeding river is endless, it was a good background to our game. He rummage through my storage system for another CD he had burned and told me this was the album which he’d been playing all the time after I’d been born, so he thought of it as my album. The Division Bell. Now that is much better than The Endless River IMHO. Dad and I have agreed to differ.