Monday February 3rd
We had a sunrise this morning! Rah rah rah! That long absent,
round, sunny thing came up at about 7.50 over the distant Grenoside slope, long
after I’d walked the dog and Laura and I had been swimming. I was beginning to
think that bright yellow disc was never going to put in an appearance again.
Stupidly I commented on it turning up to Laura and it promptly disappeared for
most of the morning! I will have to keep my gob shut in future!
Dad Skyped me this morning [our time] to confirm the details
of his and Louisa’s return flight which gets in early on Saturday morning. I
have arranged to collect them both because I am a dutiful daughter, cough,
cough! Laura and I are going to be driving up to Dad’s on Friday lunchtime and
are collecting his dogs from the kennel that afternoon, then we’ll zoom up to
Glasgow at a sensible time on Saturday morning as they are unlikely to clear
baggage reclaim and customs much before
10.30. We have done the journey so frequently in the last couple of years we
could probably do it blindfold. We’ll just have to hope there is no snow on the
route, which would put a huge spanner in the works.
Laura and I went walkabout in the city centre at lunchtime
and then snuck off early at the end of the day. It was a short lived victory
though as she is putting in four nights at the restaurant this week, so I had
to be a lonely little creature from 6.45 ish to just after 11. I don’t begrudge
Laura having the job I just hadn’t realised exactly how much time she would be
away from me. When we lived apart I was quite used to spending my evenings
alone but since she has moved in I get lonesome when she isn’t here. I know
it’s pathetic, isn’t it?
Tuesday February 4th.
Another dog walk and swim followed by a sunrise. Once again
the sun put in the briefest of appearances before disappearing behind a huge
bank of clouds to remain there all day! Work today was a two halver as usual,
Uni in the morning XXX & Y in the afternoon. Mrs Briggs and I chatted about
A Midsummer Night’s Dream for a while before I went back to my digitising of
our records. It does seem to be a Sisyphean task. At least I don’t get my liver
pecked out every day!
Laura cooked tea, which was lovely and we had a few minutes
together but then I was left being a lonesome bunny again. I don’t know why I
am suddenly finding it so upsetting when she goes? I was fine before the
Christmas holidays with it, what has changed I have no idea. I wish I could get
over the stupid feeling. It is not good at all. I sat and did some more
stitching for my casket embroidery which is growing fairly slowly but steadily.
If it ends up looking like the Bourne Cabinet upon which it is based, it will
be exquisite!
We were very affectionate when Laura got back this evening
which sort of made up for the hollow feeling I had while she was at work. I
will have to talk to her about it. Maybe she has some idea what is going on
with me.
Wednesday 5th February.
For the third day running we had a sunrise and today, unlike
the previous days, we kept the sun until about 1pm! Whoopie Doo! I spoke with
Mum this morning [from work] and she thinks I could have early onset of Adult
Separation Anxiety. It can be common with people who have OCD, according to
her. I think she was talking a load of psychobabble to be honest but she has
given me a website when I can do a self-diagnostic test to see if I am likely
to have it.
After lunch I did the test.
I don’t have it.
Well, at least not according to the test on the website. I
am none the wiser for sitting and doing that stupid test. I don’t appear to
display any of the signs that are common with people suffering from ASA. So I
just am missing being with my gorgeous girl.
I spoke to Laura during our meal this evening and she was
touched that I feel lonely when she isn't there. She confessed to feeling very
depressed when I was in Australia last summer; despite our regular contact she
missed me so much. I know she had said that she missed me but I had no idea it
was making her depressed. We weren't even living together then, we were just
conducting our long distance relationship between Sheffield and Lancaster
[until I went off to my sister’s for the summer]. She thinks
I have started to
feel like this because we do virtually everything together at a weekend and not
much during week day nights. This is true but it was her choice to get a job in
a restaurant for the week nights so we could do loads together on the weekend.
I am just being a wuss. I am sure that’s all it is.
Felice phoned after Laura had gone to Dominic’s and I told
her all about my feelings of loneliness. She told me that it was a sign of two
possible things for sure: I was deeply and definitely, 100% in love or I was
pregnant!
Pregnant!
I almost choked on my cup of tea when she said that, it was
the last thing I was expecting to hear. We had a good giggle about it and I worked
out how long the last sperm that had been in my body would’ve had to survive in
order for me to be pregnant. I was able to tell her that it was a good 17
months since and even then it would have to find its way from my stomach to my
uterus as I had swallowed Alan’s gift during that consolation f*ck, when I
dumped him. That brought about more giggles.
Felice was appalled at the news and said she is always a
spitter; so I told her about Richard and me experimenting with different foods
for months to see if it would affect the taste of his semen. To those of a scientific
mind it was done extremely methodically and with quite accurate recording of
both the food ingested and the taste of the semen after he’d eaten that food
for a fortnight. There was no discernable change as far as I could tell. Felice
said it would be an idea to change my PhD topic to discovering whether the
flavour of semen was altered by a guy’s diet. I said there would be no end of
guys wanting to help with the research.
Her call really cheered me up and also made me remember all
those mad, wild and utterly over-sexed times I had with Richard. I think I am
getting equally as much sex with Laura but of a different kind and I have never
had so many orgasms since she and I started making love, that is for sure.
When the Lollster came in from work I pinned her against the
kitchen wall and snogged and fumbled with her important little places before
she had even removed her coat. We ended up having a trash on the kitchen floor
and then moved to the comfort of the sofa where we played with our toys for
quite a while.
Laura was really breathless and a little sore when we’d
finished but she told me I could do that again anytime I wanted! I told her I
thought it might be a cure for my loneliness, she agreed that it was a great
cure but I would have to be careful not to break my fingers!
When I got back from walking Callie and having my shower she
had a surprise for me, she had been reading about deep penetration on the
internet and wanted to see if she could get her hand inside me!
OMG. IT IS amazing. I mean seriously mind blowingly amazing.
I am going to have to try with her when she is less sore!
Thursday February 6th.
Maybe there was too much information in yesterday’s journal
entry. Still WTF, as they say, life is what we are living and sex is part of
life.
Also part of life [our my life – and now Laura’s] is going
to live events, I spent a while this morning updating our appointments diary
[it lives by the telephone] and we have got 14 different things scheduled to go
and see between Valentine’s Day and May 5th: Classical Music; Rock
Music; An Opera; a ballet and several plays. They are mainly in Sheffield but one
is in Lincoln, one in Nottingham, one in Carlisle and one in London. I have
spent a small fortune on tickets to these events but, I haven’t even noticed it
as my salary doubled since last year. I do seem to have a lot of cash left over
at the end of every month but I simply transfer that to my instant savings
account.
We had a Department meeting today which was about as
interesting as watching grass grow. Again! I do know what these things are like,
by now, but I still can’t believe how much talking gets done to so little
effect. Arrrggghhh! I would have gnawed my leg off in sheer desperation or
boredom or both; if one of the lecturers’ rather unfortunate hairpieces hadn’t
started to slip and I tried to film it, discretely, on my mobile phone! I think
it was a complete waste of 90 minutes. I mean if I seriously want to waste that
length of time on a totally pointless activity I could go and watch a football
match! LOL.
It was almost a relief to see a couple of my ‘mentees’
waiting outside the broom cupboard until they landed me with a whole litany of
worries and complaints and just hot air about the guy who had dropped out at
the start of the semester. He has left a few of them in the lurch financially
and has got another’s entire notes from the previous semester! What the hell
they expected me to do about it I have no idea. I did promise to make the right
noises to the welfare section of admin but I don’t hold out much hope. I also
said I would contact the guy’s parents about the missing notes. Like he’ll be
all that bothered. Why do people lead such stupidly messy lives? I don’t
suppose I am one to talk, my own life might seems a bit all over the place to
an outsider I would guess.
We went and had a Thali for lunch at the nearest Indian restaurant
to the Uni, which also happens to a brilliant Thali set lunch for silly money.
I don’t know why more Indian restaurants don’t serve this kind of meal. The
only downside is I get curry flavoured burps all afternoon!
I was much happier about Laura being at work this evening. I
suppose I am being selfish and jealous and possessive after all. I sometimes
just look at her and wonder what will happen when she finishes her degree. Will
she find a job in Sheffield / South Yorkshire? Will she have to move away for a
job? I know I am borrowing trouble but I suppose at the heart of my worry about
being lonesome without her is this irrational fear of losing her. Until I lost
Richard I was the one who always ended any relationship I had been in. My
reaction to Richard was extreme because of the circumstances of his loss, I don’t
want to go through anything, even vaguely, like that again I guess.
We had a long snuggly cuddle in bed, when she got back from
work. No sex, just me hugging her and hugging her and hugging her until the
sound of her soft breathing told me she was asleep. I fell asleep still holding
her. At two am I woke up and we were still in the same position, so I turned
her over and let her lay flat. She shuffled back over on to her side and
spooned me, still asleep! I held her hand and pressed it against my heart.
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