Flying Visit to my Gran's to be examined by the lesbian spotters of Hawick!

 Friday April 25^th.

Up with the larks today and gave Callie a last walk up to Glenashdale falls. Went via Brook Cottage (where we’d stayed last year) and cut through the plantation to the top of the falls. We came back down via the tourist footpath and met nary a soul! Back at the van Loll had a pair of huge bacon and eggy baps ready for breakfast. Yummy in my tummy. We were scheduled to catch the eleven am ferry back to Ardrossan, so by 9am we’d tidied and cleaned and left everything spick and span for either Dad’s or our next visit. We pulled into Brodick at about 9.30 having had a leisurely drive through Kildonan first, to say bye bye to the seals. We were second in the vehicle queue.

We let Callie have a stroll along the sea front as we walked to get ourselves the morning papers (The i and The Times) we then watched the ferry slowly make its way across the Firth to our jetty. For some reason we were directed to the front of the lower deck this time, not up onto the raised section, so we knew we’d be off pretty pronto when we landed in Ardrossan. Laura did the rushing up to the restaurant bit and was so quick she had the tea and toast waiting at a table already for me when I cast up a few minutes later.

After brunch we went to the pointy end and watched the approach of the mainland. We headed to the rounded bit to see the island recede into the distance then headed below as instructed to get to our vehicle. Like I had surmised, we were second on and second off this time. Soon we were rushing through the dual carriage way system round Kilmarnock heading for Gran’s in Hawick.

The route is a bit twisty and windy and not dualled for much of the way past Kili. We went across the A71 to Larkhall, then down the A721 and A72 to Peebles, eventually hitting the A7 down through Selkirk to Hawick. It is only about 130 miles from Ardrossan but it took us over three hours! We arrived at Gran’s in the late afternoon just in time for “a nice cup of tea and a bun.”

Gran’s house is quite small and excessively tidy. She had arranged for half of her coven (sewing group) to come round tonight and the other half tomorrow. I met them all last year – which was one of the reasons I brought my casket embroidery with me on holiday so I could show them what I had been doing. I think they may have been coming to see “The Lesbians” too.

Gran had plans for Saturday and Sunday. On Saturday we are off into Edinburgh to do some retail. She wants to go to Jenners – a huge department store I remember as a child. It is very posh and used to have a waitress service restaurant. She’d also like to visit the new Ocean Terminal shopping centre. This is right next to the Royal Yacht Britannia which could be worth a look too.

On Sunday, if we want, she’d like to go to the Hibs / Hearts footba match at Easter Road. She hasn’t been for a few years but thought a derby game might be nice for us all to potter along to! Mmmm…. Not too sure about that one Gran. Twice up to Edinburgh from Hawick maybe a bit of a trek, but if that’s what she wants, why not? It’s about 50 miles straight up the A7. There is talk of the powers that be opening up the old Waverley Railway Line from Edinburgh to Carlisle, that would be a brilliant journey. The last 15 miles into the city by car is usually pretty busy, from what I can remember.

If it was just Loll and me going in to the city I would have stopped at Arthur’s Seat and taken her up there to see the view of the Auld Grey Toon down below. I don’t think Gran would be up to that though. Pity, but it will always be there to do again some other time.

Five biddies duly turned up at Grans about 7.30 and began to sew and gossip. I wowed them with my raised work for my caskets and showed them pictures, on my tablet, of what a genuine mediaeval casket looks like. I think they were impressed. Laura has started to do some counted thread work too so she was able to sit and be a cackling witch along with the rest of us.

I told them we were off to the Royal School of Needlework (at Hampton Court Palace) sometime in May to see the sampler exhibition. A few of them wanted details. We are going to be staying at a Travelodge in Sunbury for the night before and night of the exhibition so that we don’t have to worry about the drive to and from Sheffield to London. Mum is looking after Callie for the two days.

I have met most of the biddies before but Laura was new to their scrutiny, I bet they were all surprised to find a tall, willowy blonde girl instead of a butch dyke type! Stereotypes die hard in Scotland, Jimmy!

Saturday 26^th April.

Off to the big city at 8am, to miss the traffic. It didn’t work! We still crawled in for the last few miles once inside the ring road! We managed to snag a parking space at Waverley long stay car park and then became shoppers for the day.

We did the usual gawping at the sights and looking up at the Castle and all the monuments along Princes Street. We went into Jenners where Gran bought a couple of items she has been waiting for. We then toured the steets round the back of Princes’ but Gran started to flag a little so we headed back to Jenners for a reviving cuppa and a bun in their restaurant.

We did some retail of our own in Primark, spending hardly anything buy getting masses of things. Gran had never been into a Primark and was astounded at how cheap everything was. She was of the opinion whatever we bought wouldn’t survive half a dozen washes. I told at these prices it didn’t matter.

We decided to go to the Ocean Terminal Centre for lunch and more shopping. There is a huge car park there but we still had to cruise to find a place to park. Gran has never been here either. Still it is a good couple of miles from Waverley and she isn’t a good walker anymore. We found the Ocean Kitchen restaurant and had lunch looking out over the harbour. It may be fairly ordinary grub but the views are stunning. It is right in the middle of the first floor and we spent a good hour there sitting, gossiping and looking at the Royal Yacht and all the other things in the harbour.

I had a stroll to the Whisky shop and bought a new Gaelic one I hadn’t tried before, based on the recommendation of the assistant. We pootled along to Waterstones, where we spent another eternity choosing a book each. I got the latest Tess Gerritsen. From here we sauntered along eventually landing up at the Britannia Gift shop where I got a fridge magnet! They had a beautiful diamond and emerald choker on display (a replica of a royal one) it wasn’t for sale. It looked gorgeous! We decide to forego the trip onto the ship itself. It was a bit expensive and Gran was definitely flagging now. I got Laura to wait outside with Gran whist I fetched the car and drove out to meet them. It saved her little legs from further walking. She was fast asleep in the back seat before we had crossed the ring road.

It is pretty strange visiting Edinburgh as I know I was born here but I've lived all my life in Norwich, so I have no memories of the place as a home town at all. I will have to ask Gran about why Mum moved away from the Borders, there is obviously a story there. I don’t imagine Mum will tell me if I ask her.

The rest of Gran’s coven came lesbian spotting tonight. They too were impressed by my needlework and I saw some of what they had been doing. Some are doing raised white work which is simply exquisite – Casalguidi and Mount Mellick in particular. I am thinking of doing some when my casket work is completed! You need especially good light and very keen eyesight for this raised white work I would imagine.

They also found us perfectly ‘normal’ although one of the dears did ask if I had thought about children. I explained all about Richard and our ruined plans for the future and then brought them up short with “… and there’s always IVF as an option!” My Gran’s face was a picture.

I told them I had actually given up the idea of motherhood and was planning on devoting my life to Weimaraners. In fact we have already discussed getting a playmate for Callie – and as she is now 7 – plus the new dog will be her replacement when that awful time comes! Gran said that was why she no longer had a dog – she used to have Border Terriers but she didn’t replace her last one as she couldn’t stand the idea of losing one again.

I walked Callie down to the park as her last stroll of the day and gave her lots of love and fuss in case she had understood any of our conversation.

Sunday 27^th April.

Had an awful realisation this morning: we have to be back at Uni tomorrow not Tuesday! What an idiot! I told Gran when we got up and she was a bit relieved as she was still quite whacked out from all our exertions in town yesterday. I said we’d stay and watch Hibs on the TV and then zoom back to Sassenach land.

This was a disaster! 

It is a good job we didn’t actually go to Easter Road and watch the game there. They lost 2-1! They were losing 2-0 but pulled a consolation goal back. It would have been such an upsetting end to our visit. We left after having lunch with Gran. She was still bemoaning the Hibs' wasted chances as we pulled away.

The A1 south of Edinburgh is awful! It is a single carriageway route for miles and miles. Why haven’t the Highways Agency upgraded this bit? They are spending millions on three laning the damn thing further south but are happy for Scotland to get a really raw deal. It only became a dual carriageway properly just north of Newcastle!

We got home at about 6pm to a huge pile of mail and several million answer machine messages. One of the messages was from Feli reminding me we had a meeting in the morning, and where the hell was I? That is a bit rich as she is even more of a gad-about that I am.

I phoned everyone important enough to need to know we were home and then we settled down for a hug and cuddle on the sofa, after Laura had done the same.

I awoke at about 11am with the blonde goddess pulling my hand and saying, “Come on sleepy head. It’s bed diddly bye boos time for you.” I protested about needing to take Callie for her walk but she had already done that. You can see why I love her so much. She even uses my own made up baby language.