The dipsomaniac Mum and Daughter go wine tasting!

Summer Diary – 2013. Week Seven.

Friday 9^th August.

I just love routine. I suppose it comes with the territory, having OCD and everything. The morning swim is what I do at home every day and it gives my day definition here too. I do think Mum is coming to realise this as well, especially because, from now on, her days will no longer have any definition or routine when she gets back home. Just what will she do with her retirement? I think the kids really appreciate the swimming too, plus it is healthy for all of us.

Nadia is still mad. More mad than I could have possibly imagined, in fact she is almost sectionable. But I get ahead of myself here. Narrative flow, Victoria, narrative flow….

She hated Norcia and could wait to escape. [It is in the middle of nowhere and is even less than a one horse town!] She has somehow landed herself a commission to do something at St. Mary’s Cathedral in Perth itself. She is still typically vague about what it is and when she’ll do it. Nadia was never one to be pragmatic or practical – Mum used to say, “She’s away with the fairies, that one!” I think she was right. I think she is obviously the yin to my yang or the other way round. I may occasionally sound all wishy washy and vague but I am Little Miss Practical about the home.

Nadia has published a couple of works too. They are illustrated psalms and liturgical verses. So her imagination is inspired from painting and not her own words. She was always so bloody fanatically religious, so it is not surprising she has turned to God as his artist in residence, as it were. I am afraid the sobriquet Mad Nad wasn’t because she had loads of wild, crazy, off the wall ideas; it was because she believed in God. I mean, God? Really? How could she have studied all that we did, got herself good A Levels and a Fine and Applied Arts degree and still believe in those bloody stupid fairy tales? How? You see, mad! You will see…

She claimed, and I could see where she’s coming from, it was all down to indoctrination as a child, and fear. This is how the Catholic Church captures most of its believers. I almost was indoctrinated too, until Father Patrick’s "lost temper incident" which knocked the scales from my eyes. At school, Nad and I had to agree to differ on this topic as she was adamant that I was wrong, wrong, wrong while I KNEW that she was!

We had lunch just by the Swan River, near the bell tower. It’s a beautiful oasis of calm in the midst of the bedlam of downtown Perth. As it was Friday she was having fish, Barramundi; I had the sea food platter. We ordered a side of chips each (pigs)! There was a brilliant Riesling Gewurztraminer from a Margaret River winery which was so nice we ended up having two bottles. [I would have refrained if I’d been driving, but I had come in on the train so that being slightly tipsy was not a problem.] The problem with booze and me, a long time ago, was it turned my libido up to 11! It used to have the same effect on Nadia too, luckily I have been able to control myself whilst intoxicated but I am not sure Nad has the same will power. She started outrageously flirting with one of our waiters [who was pretty dashing, in an Okker, Macho sort of way] and she ended up giving him her phone number! The Hussy!

I hadn’t the heart to tell her that when she tiptoed off to the ladies the waiter came back and asked if he could, possibly, have my number too! Do you know I was very tempted? However, I am a good girl now. I no longer just jump into bed with any available guy.

The waiter somehow reminded me of the time that Nad had one of her few brainwaves. She made herself a skirt which was just two pieces of cloth fastened to a waist band. The cloth was so full and gathered there was no way of knowing, by just looking at it, that it was in effect merely two pieces of fabric. She called it her selector skirt. If at a party, the guy she had chosen to dance with discovered the skirt’s unique construction, she’d let him put his hands inside [discretely, of course] and afterwards she'd take him home and screw him.  If they didn’t discover the secret then her little treasure box was locked to them.

A footnote to this was a tale about the formal ball after her finals. She wore an updated version of the selector skirt as a dress this time, and the naughty guy whose hands found their way inside its folds was her tutor! Not only did he find the way in, he actually put one of his hands into her knickers and fingered her while they were dancing! See why I called her a hussy? Apparently they had sex for several hours after the party; in the Art Studio, in his office, in his car but she never saw him again, ever.

After lunch we took in the touristy sites of Perth City centre, which, to be frank, could be any city anywhere. There is a token gesture to the Old Country, called London Court – an alleyway full of shops selling tourist tat. For the most part Perth seems stocked full of places to eat. I have never seen so many establishment dedicated to luring you away from cooking your own meals as in central Perth! Nad is staying at a hotel which overlooks King’s Park, so we wobbled our way back there and had some sobering coffee and cake in its restaurant. She’s not ventured anywhere really since she’s been here. She did the job at Norcia [and was so tight lipped about what went on there I didn’t press her] and then came to Perth Cathedral (St Mary’s) on a recommendation from one of the lay brothers. She's done no sight seeing or touristy stuff at all.

I mentioned where I’d been and what I’d been doing since I’d arrived and she was gobsmacked. She puts it down to having someone to be with when I went to all those places. This led, quite neatly, on to me asking about her ex-husband. She’d been married and divorced so quickly very few of her friends even had a chance to meet the guy. We acquaintances stood no chance. The next guy had been the next one, after her tutor, who’d found the skirt’s secret. She had married him at some haste it seemed to me. She divorced him when she found out he’d been sleeping with her sister! OMG. He’d not even had six months married to Nadia before he was hiding his sausage in the next available woman! This has caused a huge rift between her and Helen, it is what precipitated her move to Northern Ireland, and is the reason she is in Derry, doing work for the City of Culture and trying to forget the cheating bastard pair.

My jaw must have hit the table. I told her all about Richard and his death and my breakdown and the rest. She was very sympathetic which must have been a stark contrast to my open mouthed wonder at her revelations. She seemed so understanding, I even told her about Laura and me. This was a huge, mega, Krakatoa Explosion type of mistake.

She started to berate me: I was Unnatural; I was definitely the Spawn of the Devil; God would surely punish me and my perverted bitch partner for defying his ordinances.  I am afraid to say that I just laughed at her. I thought she was joking. It appeared she wasn’t joking at all. She was even more insulted by me laughing at her diatribe. My mocking laughter was further proof that I was one of the devil’s own whores. She told me that mocking the righteous for trying to impart the word of god was a grave sin.

This was a bit rich coming from someone who wore a skirt which allowed men to folder her personal bits in public. I was about to launch into my own tirade about her hypocrisy but seeing that she was deadly serious, I bit my tongue to stifle my reply and simply told her I was going to leave.  I beat a very swift exit, without looking back. I was quite angry. I didn’t cry or anything but my face must have been a picture of fury. I received several startled looks from the hotel staff as I barged my way out into the street. I knew she used to be a bit touchy on the subject of homosexuality but I hadn’t realised just how much. I suppose it may be because she is repressing her true feelings and desires behind this mask of hatred and she’s secretly yearning to be a Bull Bitch Dyke! In my magnanimity, I will put it down to the effects of the drink on my old school chum. However, I will also use that excuse for not contacting her again. At all. Ever!  If I do see her again it will because she has contacted me and apologised. I bet hell will freeze over before that happens. [I can’t wait to tell Kaybers about our old school chum’s complete loss of cool! She will be so amused.]

My Mum says I mustn’t worry about it. The name Mad Nad was given to her by me and my school mates and everyone for a reason, she has merely shown how appropriate the name was. She also made a bet that I will hear from her in the next few days to apologise for what she’s said. I am not convinced...

 

Saturday August 10^th.

I thought today was the day of Uncle Alex’s birthday party but it seems it is next Saturday. We will have been to Margaret River and back by then. I hope I am as active at 60 as Mum is, I just don’t know where she gets the energy from. She actually came and swam lengths with me and the kids today rather than go to aquarobics which she said is dull, dull, dull.

She has dragged me for a Swan River Wine Cruise today. I knew she’d got one planned for this week but hadn’t thought it would be at the weekend. When we got back, I felt a bit rough, having had so much wine on a comparatively empty stomach but since then I have got myself round a large tea created by Pete at the Barbeque, I am feeling a lot better.

The wine cruise was obviously designed for the tourist trade not the locals but I found it quite enjoyable. We caught the boat from the pier by the Bell Tower [Barrack Street Jetty] and were given a swift lesson in wine tasting by the cruise’s resident sommelier.  I think we knew as much as him about wine. We did get a few samples to try, this was included in the price and not to be scoffed at. We meandered up river and had various sights of interest pointed out as we passed: The WACA; Burswood Casino; The Avon Descent Finish etc.

We were heading for the Sandalford Estate, where a very tasty (if small) lunch was served and then we had a presentation about the winery and its products followed by a proper tasting – quite an extensive tasting. The wines were very, very nice and I could feel myself becoming more and more inebriated as the day wore on. There was a cellar door where we could purchase the wine we liked the most. We passed on that, because we’d gone up to Perth on the train and didn’t want to be encumbered with heavy bottles of wine on the way back. [Memories of lugging our suitcases round Freo prevented us!] There were several wines I could quite happily have quaffed until the cows come home. I fell in love with one called the "Sandalford Elements Late Harvest". It was delicious, I mean seriously delicious. The "Estate Reserve Verdhelo" came second. We are off to Margaret River next week, there’s a Sandalford Winery down there somewhere, so we will buy some then.

What was good though, was we found out that they have a UK distributor! So we can buy their wine back in England too! Rah, rah, rah! Mum’s favourite was their "Parmelia Cabernet Merlot". She has always been a red wine fan though, whereas [apart from Dornfelder] I prefer a white.

There weren’t all that many people on the trip [as usual for the winter season] so we had a lot of time to be instructed in the finer points of each wine we sampled. We also drank each sample, which could have been a mistake.

On the trip back down The Swan River we were served a sort of High Tea type meal and more wine. We almost literally rolled off the boat back in Perth! I was a little bit giggly on the train back, especially as this one guy got on who was so obviously wearing a wig. I whispered to Mum that it looked like he’d got a dead possum on his head and several of the passengers started giggling too. My whisper must’ve been louder than I thought. Mum, snapped at me, “Vicki, stop it!” Just like she was back at school, with me as her pupil. [This actually happened for almost all of my life in Norwich – she was Head of English at my school! Not the most ideal situation.] I gave her a meek, “Yes, Mrs Jay” in a whiney schoolgirl type voice and we both dissolved into giggles. This was not good because giggling is infectious; pretty soon lots of people around us were chortling along, or trying not to laugh or just plain guffawing out loud. The poor guy with the syrup must have been so embarrassed, he got out at the next stop – to even more gales of laughter. I had tears streaming down my face and my sides were aching from so much laughing.

Mum tried to calm the section of the train down by saying, “I apologise for my daughter. She opens her mouth and puts her foot right in it!” It had the opposite effect. They just giggled even more. I guess reading from the phone book would have produced the same effect, everyone was just infected by the humour. It must have looked really weird to see a train load of people all laughing away with no readily noticeable reason for their obvious amusement.

One woman, further down the carriage said, “We should all club together and buy that poor guy a present, for giving us so much fun!” That started us all off again as more people, quite openly now, started offering more suggestions as to what we should buy him!

I was so glad when the train pulled into Rockingham I was desperate for a wee, the combination of the wine and the giggling having a dreadful effect on my bladder!

When we recounted all this to the family back at Chaos Castle they found it very funny too. Suze told us that we shouldn’t be let out together, we were too dangerous!

 

Sunday 11^th August.

Mum did lengths again at the pool this morning. I hope it doesn't kill her doing this much exercise, she was quite sedate back in Sheffield.

Go Dockers, Go! We went to Subi in the end. There was a lot of umming and ahhing before we decided to give it a go. This was mainly promoted by Mum, who had not been to watch a live game in years. Wow, what a game! The Dockers won by the highest points margin in their short history. They absolutely destroyed the Great Western Sydney Giants 157 to 44. They won by 113 points which is the most they have ever won by. 32,000 delirious fans shouted themselves silly at the game, I was one of them. [Don't say I was silly already!] What a good decision it was to go and watch the match live rather than on TV.

We drove into Freo and then did the train journey from E shed car park again. It was just as busy, even though we set off quite a bit earlier so we could buy some lunch in Subiaco. It was unusual to be surrounded, almost completely, by Dockers fans. At the derby game there were probably an equal number of Eagles and Dockers fans. I assume that some of the crowd were Eagles supporters who just weren’t wearing their team’s colours. Certainly Pete and Jeff weren’t in their Eagles gear.

It was a very exciting, if rather one sided match. The Giants didn’t seem to have a clue as what to do to counter the Dockers attacks. In the end I almost felt sorry for their players who looked so dejected at the full time hooter.

Mum had a mega idea on the way back to Freo, she marched us along the road towards Perth so that we got the train at the next station up the line. When the train pulled in only a handful of passengers got on and we were able to get seats! Then the crowd shoved and pushed their way on at the oval station and played sardines again while we were sat snug and secure in our seats. Mum, eh?

Back home there was a message on Suze’s answer machine from Nadia. Just saying "Sorry!" and would I call her? I am not sure if I want to. Mum and I are off to Margaret River tomorrow, so I will wait until we get back from there, and see how I feel about speaking to her, before I decide what to do.

Laura Skyped from Dad’s house this evening so that we could all have a gossip. We ended up chatting for almost an hour! Loll also brought Callie to the screen and I tried calling to her but she took no notice of me. I guess our voices must sound different to dogs when they are heard through a microphone/loudspeaker system.  Mum and Dad even had a few civil words with each other before she said she had something to do and disappeared for the rest of the call. Suze got Dad to take the laptop on a tour of the house and garden so that the kids could see what our old holiday home looked like. They were amazed at how green it all was and just how magnificent the view from the back garden is. [It looks down to Solway Firth and then across to Scotland in the distance, with the smallish mountain Criffel to the left and Ben Gael and Screel Hill in the far distance.]

We had a good old gossip. The kids were surprised that Granddad [I can’t get my head round them calling him that] still had a trace of his Australian accent, despite having lived in the UK for almost all of his life. I suppose Mum still has her Scottish accent too, you just don’t notice after a while. He has managed to wangle himself a visit to see them over the Christmas holidays, for him and Louisa, and I’ve got myself roped in to House sit again. I guess it is the least I can do.

I suppose it may be because he doesn’t want to be left out of the Grandparental picture, especially as Mum is making such an impression on the kids over here. He has roughly the same timetable as me now so our Christmas holidays should coincide quite nicely.

It was really good having a chat with him, but it did make me nostalgic for England, even though I have only been here a few weeks and I’ll be back home before you know it. I think it is the people you miss just as much as the places.

 

Monday August 12^th.

The dipsomaniac Mum and Daughter are in Margaret River! Mum had hired a car for the week, from Ambrose in Rockingham. She got herself a Hyundai Getz for seven days. It is quite tiny and old. It has air con though, which is a must out here. It is also brilliant white, which is the most common car colour out here – a must because of the heat I suppose. I am named driver too, because I am over 25, so we can take turns in driving and such. I can’t believe the deal she got – it is costing her only $20 a day! That is so cheap.

Do I take after Mum or what? I booked special deals on the camper accommodation because it was out of season and got an extra day free. We are staying at a brilliant apartment in Margaret River for five nights for the price of four, and as it is winter Mum was able to get the owner to move the start day from Sunday to Monday. I think it was because he had no booking for the following weekend, to be honest. It is called Apartment 3 and it is so swish. It is on the first floor and has balconies all round. The one from the lounge is accessed through a glass partition wall which just opens completely. It is marvellous. I guess she was able to get the deal because she is a canny Scot (and I’m her daughter). Deals R Us!

It is an apartment over a business on Fearn Avenue, (this is the street parallel to the main shopping street) and is self-catering. It is less than a hundred yards from Coles, so we parked up, got the keys and while Mum unpacked the car I walked down to Coles to stock up with provisions.  I just can’t believe how immaculate it is inside. Plus, it is so close to the centre of town but on a quietish street too. Good call Aged Parent!

After a revitalising cup of tea [Earl Grey, naturally] we went for a stroll through the town. I have been here before but I didn’t recall just how nice it was. It is quite simply, beautiful. The Margaret River itself sort of marks the northern edge of the town, which rises up gently with the shopping area on both sides of the road. The shops are pretty good too. They aren’t Australian standard, find them everywhere kind of shops; they are mainly one offs and artisan places. There is even a marvellous independent bookshop with a café which may be our port of call for breakfasts as they do a full fried brekkie every morning!

We went to the mouth of the Margaret River this evening, at a place called Prevelly, just in time to see the moon setting into the Indian Ocean. It was absolutely beautiful, one of the most awesome sights I have seen for a long time. The moon was a dull orange colour and the same shape as an orange segment. As we pulled into the car park it was just about to hit the horizon. We got out and strolled down to the beach and watched as the bottom tip of the orange segment touched the water and then, ever so slowly, the whole thing was dunked into the sea by an invisible hand. I do tend to get over excited and use superlatives rather a lot, but this defied any superlatives I can think of. We were just stunned by what we’d witnessed. All the more so because it was so unexpected! We had gone looking for the Perseid Meteorite showers which normally hit the planet at this time of year. We can get whole astral firework displays if the night is clear enough. Although we sat for about an hour and sipped tea from a flask Mum had miraculously produced out of thin air, we didn’t see a single one. That was a little disappointing. We’d had the setting moon to compensate for our lack of meteorites though.

I wished so much that I was with Laura watching the moon, rather than my Mum.  I am not getting at my Mum at all but I think it would have been so romantic to have watched it with someone you are in love with, rather than someone you love because they are your parent, if you see what I mean? I bet I never get the chance to witness it again either, for, in all my 26 years on the planet I haven’t seen anything like it before.

We had an extra treat after supper, the cricket highlights from Durham! England won by 70 odd runs. Rah, rah, rah. That puts us 3-0 up in the series and the Ashes are well and truly won, not ours by default. The Aussie commentators were less than impressed. Oh, what a shame! Only one game left, could we make it 4-0? That would be brilliant. It might make cricket a taboo subject at Uncle Alex’s Birthday do on Saturday!

 

Tuesday 13^th August.

Wine Day One.

Look out vineyards here we come! We have bought a vineyards map and are going to be systematic about this. First of all, we have decided to stay close to MR in case we get accidentally blotto, it won’t be too far for a taxi to come and collect us. Secondly we have divided the area into MR South and MR North. We are going to take in six vineyards per day with us each having three choices. We spent some time last night, after celebrating the England Test victory, by searching on line for the vineyards we thought we might like to visit.

We have also decided [well, Mum did] that we ought to have a day off in the middle – just to prove we are not really a pair of dipsomaniacs. Mum has booked us two places [out of 12] on the same whale watching boat, from Augusta, that the girls and I did at Christmas. That is tomorrow’s jaunt.  Plus, we are going to look at the three tourist caves. I was keen to go to the one where you do semi-proper caving, being given a boiler suit and head torch and the like, but Mum didn’t think she could cope with caving in the raw. I do forget that she was sixty earlier this year! I have said I’d like to go to the Leeuwin Lighthouse, too, so our Wednesday is going to be equally as busy if less alcoholic.

So, my three wineries were: Voyager, Arlewood and Green Valley; Mum’s were Leeuwin, Cape Mentelle and Xanadu.

We did a loop round going to the ones on Stevens Road first – Voyager and Leeuwin. They were quite different in size and scale. Leeuwin is one of the major players in Australian wine, whereas not many people outside WA have heard of Voyager. In order to avoid needless repetition, we called at each place which had a free cellar door facility and bought one bottle each of the wine we liked best from the tastings. Mum thought we shouldn’t drink any of our pre-lunch tastings as we would definitely be drunk as skunks by the time we got to vineyard number four!

This proved a sensible plan, which I would have thought of, after I had passed out somewhere!

Voyager, was tiny and had a small range of wines. I was quite surprised that we both liked “Girt By The Sea” Cabernet Merlot blend best. So we bought two bottles of that one.

Leeuwin was as big and flashy as you would expect, the cellar door was very modern and they had an a la carte menu for lunch and dinner, which looked lovely. It was too early for lunch – which was lucky – as their prices were quite high! We liked the same wine again as the best one. “Siblings SBS” This is a Sauvignon Blanc Semillon and reminded me a bit of Dad’s favourite, Houghton’s HWB – Houghton White Burgundy. Another two bottles sold to the women with the British accents.

Next was Cape Mentelle, like Leeuwin, you can buy their wines over in the UK. They have a different export selection compared to what is available at home. It was Mum’s next choice and I teased here that she was playing safe by only choosing names she knew. I can’t believe it though, the third vineyard and we liked the same wine again. This time it was their Zinfandel. It was absolutely gorgeous. Out of the three wines we had chosen so far this was the best of the bunch.

Xanadu was next, and this was a surprise. The place was very well organised and we liked the cellar door man enormously. He was very friendly and attentive and asked us what our preferences were usually and then made suggestions as to what we might like best – offering us that choice first. He was right, I was given “Xanadu Cane Cut” and it was absolutely divine. Easily the best I’d had up to that point. Mum wasn’t as impressed though and she came down in favour of “Xanadu Petit Verdot”. A bottle of each went into the car.

We were getting pretty peckish by this time and we headed for Forest Grove to find somewhere to eat. After a swift snack lunch we set about finding the last two on our list which were actually in Forest Grove – that’s what I call planning! First was Arlewood. This was the tiniest one so far. Again we chose the same wine. This was getting to be worrying. The wine in question was a red blend called “La Bratta Rosso”.  It was yummy.

Last on our rounds [or so we thought] was Green Valley Winery. This was as tiny as Arlewood and we had a different choice here too, I loved the “Green Valley Riesling” and Mum preferred the “Green Valley Shiraz”. A bottle of each for back at Chaos Castle. This was to be the end of our foray into the tasting but before hitting Green Valley Mum had the brainwave of trying Stella Bella. We found the cellar door on Rosa Brook Road but decided to take ourselves back to the apartment, dump the car and take a taxi back to the winery. We clocked the distance as four and a half kilometres so it wouldn’t be too expensive.

What a brilliant decision. Stella Bella and Skuttlebucket are the same place so we had masses to choose from and this time we drank the wine, not spat it out. They had some brilliant ones to sample but I settled on “Stella Bella Pink Muscat”. It was sweet and summery and really fruity and by far and away the best of all the ones I had tasted today. I bought two bottles and had two more gasses full. Mum liked it too but her favourite was “Skuttlebutt Otro Vito”. She bought two bottles of that too. Then she had a glass of Pink Muscat with me and I joined her in an Otro Vito. I was a good job we had booked the return taxi as we were probably too giggly and silly to have made much sense down the phone otherwise. The taxi driver was the same one who’d taken us out there and he was amused by how much we had deteriorated in the hour and a bit we’d been there.

After dumping the new purchases, we had a shower each and then hit the town, heading for a restaurant we both liked the look of from the other day: The Settler’s Tavern. It has won several awards and was quite busy even for mid-winter. You don’t book, you just turn up. I had the Wagyu Steak cooked blue and I swapped my potatoes gratin for a different kind. I was a bit shouty at the waiter as he didn’t know what blue meant. I hope he was joking. I think I may have been a bit loud because of the wine! We decided to have mineral water rather than anymore alcohol, just in case. (Mum’s words) I did wonder “just in case what?” but kept schtum. Mum had the catch of the day, Barramundi. Why is it always Barramundi? I must ask S & P when we get back.

The atmosphere in the place was very friendly. It felt nothing like a fine dining place you’d get back in the UK, where everyone would be behaving like a stuffed shirt and being very “proper”.  The waiter came with our drinks and pleased Mum no end by asking if we were sisters! He must’ve needed extra strong glasses, or something. She just purred back at him saying, “She’s my daughter.” It was quite weird to watch a semi inebriated mother flirting with the waiter!

The steak was so succulent. Even better, though, were the locally sourced chocolate brownies. They were absolute heaven. It was a dessert to die for. The chocolate comes from a company in Yallingup called Bahen & Co. They will be getting a visit tomorrow too.

At the end of the meal we did succumb to more alcohol as Mum saw they had a dessert wine from Rivendell on the wine list. We had a bottle of that to finish [only a 375 ml bottle as it was a dessert wine].

I think we’ll be going back there again. Mum is keen – no, not because of the waiter – but because there is a live band playing on Thursday night. She does like live music. A couple of guys asked if they could walk us home from the tavern, but we politely declined their offer. I mean, what could have happened?

What a brilliant day. My Mum could have been my sister, today. It was so special. Getting pissed with a parent is obviously an interesting thing to do. [I won’t do it too often though!] Hic!

 

Wednesday August 14^th.

Non-Wine Day.

I was a slightly sore headed Maia this morning. I blame the dessert wine. We would have been OK if we’d not had that. I’m sure. The big breakfast in the bookshop got hit on the head, we had to be in Augusta for 10 and the bookshop didn’t open until then. Maybe tomorrow.

I think it was touch and go as to whether the boat would set out from Augusta, it was grey, cloudy, squally and there were occasional really strong gusts. In the end we did sail out into Flinders Bay! Mum would have been so disappointed if we hadn’t.

The boat was quite a lot smaller than the one the girls and I took from Albany and it bobbed about alarmingly at anchor as we boarded. The sea conditions were a little too unpredictable to bring it in to the jetty, so we were ferried out to it in the tender – this took three trips as the tender was quite small. Once underway though, you didn’t notice the motion at all.

The guy in charge gave us the low down on whaling and the kinds of whale we might encounter, we thought we’d seen some dolphins way across to our starboard side as we headed south from the jetty, but we were told they were actually Minkies! I have not seen these before. We headed in their general direction and then just drifted, sure enough they came round the boat to investigate us. There were four of them. The guy said they were young adult males who often went about in small pods. This brought laughter from the others on the boat and  comments of, “Typical Australian Blokes, then” from one wag – not me, I hasten to add.

The Minkies, just like a group TAMs, once they realised there was no booze or totty about, went on their way northwards. A sharp eyed wrinkly then said that he'd had seen a fluke over towards the coast line, so several pairs of binos were swept in that direction to reveal a bigger whale closer in-shore. We headed towards where the tail kept appearing and sure enough it was a solitary Humpbacked whale making its quiet way up the coast. It too came and had a brief inspection of the boat then carried on its journey towards the tropics.

Like it did in Albany the time seemed to just fly past and all too soon we were heading back to the landing stage. The wind had eased and so we were able to moor actually at the jetty rather than be ferried from the anchorage, which was good. Mum was just gob-smacked by it all. She said she now appreciates why we were so full of the Albany cruise when she first arrived about a fortnight ago. The experience and memories are just so powerful you have to tell other people all about it.

We had a swift snack at the Augusta Lodge and then I took her to the Leeuwin Lighthouse. This is built on the rocks at the point where the Indian and Southern Oceans meet. It is the tallest Lighthouse in WA and, luckily, it was open. Mum had to have a serious rest half way up the steps inside, but the view from the light room and platform was stunning and well worth the effort of getting up there. The guy acting as today’s guide was an old guy who knew masses and masses about Australian lighthouses. He and mum kept talking for what seem like ages! I got the distinct impression they were flirting! [How embarrassing!] I suppose he was rather handsome in an old guy sort of way.

We went on, when I could drag Mum away, to the show caves. We did all three: Mammoth, Lake and Jewel. I am glad we did Mammoth first as that involved the deepest descent – down several flights of steps – but then it became fairly spectacular. Limestone caves always produce wonderful formations of stalagmites and stalactites and Mammoth was no exception. It was a Walkman-guided tour and we were told about the rock formations and the prehistoric remains that had been found in the cave system, through those little machines. A good idea, I thought. Mum said she’d have preferred a ‘real’ guide. Mmmm………. Mother, getting frisky?

I said I was glad we did Mammoth first because Jewel was even prettier. Not as big as Mammoth but it certainly had more impressive formations. Plus there was less descent to the cave proper and we had a better lighting arrangement in this one.

Lake Cave was easily the best. This involved yet another fairly long ladder and steps descent into what became a magical touristy extravaganza. Inside the show cave it was all flat [I suppose it had to be or there wouldn’t have been a lake, durr]. I was hoping there would be a boat ride, like in the Cavern just outside Sheffield, which Loll and I went to last spring, but no – there was just a concrete walk way. What made this special was the lighting display. It was stunning. They used the reflections in the mirror surface of the lake to create marvellous vistas out of the stalagmites and stalactites which took my breath away. We didn’t get too long in the cave because it was quite a small one. If we’d gone in this one first the other two would have seemed paltry by comparison. So here’s Maia’s tip for the WA show caves = if you only have time for one, go to the Lake Cave. If you are doing all three save Lake Cave until last.

 

Back in MR we went to the bookshop café for a cuppa and a browse then I cooked dinner for us at the apartment. We had a fairly early night as we were both whacked.

Thursday August 15^th.

Wine Day Two – MR North.

Once again we had decided on our vineyards in advance. Mine were Edwards, Cape Grace and Brookwood; Mum’s were Sandalford, Howard Park and Adinfern. We also decided to pay a visit to the Margaret River Regional Wine Centre. I am quite impressed that from a selection of nearly 100 small [and large] wineries we have managed not to go mad and try to sample them all.

We decided to go to Sandalford first as it was the most northerly of the six. It was less well organised than the one on the Swan River but the guy inside was impressed that we’d been there and had decided to try their other estate. The wines tasted slightly different somehow, it was hard to put my finger on why but our selections stayed the same. The vineyard itself looked very imposing, with a splendid, stately home style main gate leading to a much smaller than expected building at the end of the drive. The cellar door was like a proper shop and I was sorely tempted to buy a couple of T-shirts. I decided against it really.  I bought a Sandalford Elements Late Harvest and Mum the Parmelia Cabernet Merlot.

The next stop was back towards MR again, the winery in question was Howard Park. This is on Miamup Road, Cowaramup. When we got there we had a surprise as it isn’t one but three different vineyards. I am not sure exactly how that worked and the cellar door lady was a bit vague about it too. There is HP, Marchand & Burch and Madfish all based there. That meant quite a few wines to try. We were back to Mum’s taste not drink approach to avoid premature intoxication. [We’d done it at Sandalford too.] My fave was HP Museum Release Riesling; Mum’s Madfish Shiraz. [I am sure I have bought that one in the UK, TBH, but I didn’t like to tell her.] A bottle of Madfish Sangiovese Rose was included as we both really liked that one, too.

Cape Grace Wines was a stone’s throw from HP with just a tiny dog leg to get there. It’s on a road just down from Miamup but and roughly parallel, confusingly though it changes its name from Fifty-One Road to Brockman Road where the dog leg joins. It could be easy to get confused by this if you had been drinking each sample. At CG we had our first convergence of the day – I can’t believe we are so alike. I suppose it is only natural really but when we keep doing the same things and liking the same things and finishing each other’s sentences, it gets a bit scary. The wine in question was Cape Grace Cane Cut Chenin Blanc. Now, for me, this was a total surprise as I usually don’t like Chenin Blanc. We both loved it though.

To get to Ellenbrook Road, where the next winery was, we had to drive through Cowaramup and then back out again. We spotted a likely candidate for a lunch stop but zoomed on to Edwards Wines. This was the disappointment of the day. In fact I would go so far as to say it was the disappointment of the whole trip! The selection was tiny and the cellar door person very grumpy. So much so that we only sampled one wine then I secretly pressed my ring button on my mobile and pretended we had to be in Cowaramup at 1pm.  We bought nothing and we were mightily relieved too. When we driving back to Cowaramup I couldn’t believe Mum said, “Who phoned and why do we have to be in Cowaramup?” I think she may HAVE been secretly drinking the samples after all. I explained, patiently, as you do to a small child, what I’d done. She was back on form again straight away calling me a “Patronising baggage!”

The likely candidate for a snack proved to be a good choice and I demolished a huge Aussie Burger and chips. Mum was more refined and had a chicken fillet sandwich [a posh name for a chicken burger if you ask me]. The café even served Earl Grey Tea. That was an unexpected treat. Mum made me pay as I had been so rude earlier. The cheek of it.

 We were still in a daze about Edwards Wines. Mum said she hoped their business went bust. I said the guy probably was suffering from constipation! We had a good giggle at the thought of all grumpy people being grumpy because of their irregular bowels! We set off to Brookwood Estate as our penultimate destination on today’s tasting route. This was the diametrically opposed opposite to Edwards, both on the map and in reality too. It was set in really attractive grounds; had staff who were pleased to greet and serve you, and it had a café! If we’d know the latter we’d have had lunch there rather than in Cowaramup. Still hindsight is always 20/20. Mum and daughter shared the same taste again, we both loved the Mellow Rouge. They had this deal whereby if you spent over $59 you were given two free, engraved Brookwood Estate Wine glasses, so as well as the Mellow Rouge we bought two of the “100 Above Fortified White”. The free wine glass deal was only meant to be a deal in the Café but Mum did the flirty thing again and persuaded the cellar door person to do it for wine as well. We would have eaten in the café, like I said, so Mum told him that too, which seemed to swing it for us. They are very attractive glasses.

Next stop was actually a winery on the Bussell Highway. Adinfern Winery. The couple who own this are called Smith, Yaay! They originally started out as farmers [sheep] but in the mid-eighties decided to give this wine making a go as a subsidiary to their farming. They still do farm their land but the winery makes them more money!  We both loved their Shepherd’s Rhapsody Red wine. It was delicious, one of the nicest we tasted today. Two bottles into the little car! We are planning on drinking all this with Suze and Pete before I go back to the UK. Mum is going to take some to Uncle Alex’s party. It is just so heavy to take back on the plane.

The Margaret River Regional Wine Centre wasn’t at all what I had expected. I was imagining it would be a distilled history of wine growing in the area and a set of displays and information about each and every vineyard. It was basically a shop. A shop where we could have bought every bottle of wine we’d purchased from each cellar door. They were a couple of dollars more expensive every time though. There was some tokenism to vineyard information but not all that much. Disappointing really.

Back home for a shower and clean up, then down to the Settler’s Tavern again for dinner. I had the fish this time and Mum had the steak. She didn’t have the Wagyu one like me but another larger cut. She has it cooked a bit more than mine so a larger cut ends up being smaller on the plate. We had some Elements Riesling with the meal and then some Mellow Rouge afterwards. All in all a good but tiring day.

The band that played was fairly ordinary, according to Mum, and they played covers all the night which was sort of a crowd pleasing thing to do I suppose. The Tavern audience seemed to like them, though, which was all that mattered. I thought they were too loud and the singer didn’t have a wide enough range, being very nasal and not attempting to hit high notes at all. We left before their set finished and that was at about 11pm. I think they could have kept going all night.

When we got back, we broke out the Happs Fortis and had a nightcap [or three]. We ended up having a really serious discussion about sex and life and love and stuff. I won’t go into it here, though. Maybe in next week’s instalment of this journal. [Or maybe not!]