A Gruesome Murder and Feli's sexlife! [No, there is no connection!]

Monday November 4^th.

I slept the sleep of the innocent last night.

Out for the count.

I got Laura to drop me off along the road to home so I could walk Callie in and use that as her final walk of the day, which meant we didn’t get home just for me to have to go out again with the dog. Sensible even when sleepy. Eh?

Swim and walk again this morning, only two days swimming missed but it seemed longer. Loll actually came down for a swim on the Friday that I was in York, I know I shouldn’t have been surprised, but I was. I‘d have thought she’d have had a lie in. Good for her.

Why couldn’t we have had today’s weather yesterday? It would have made the Blake Fell stroll even better and maybe that guy wouldn’t have succumbed to hypothermia too. It was one of those days which make you feel that nature is deliberately thumbing her nose at you! You are back at work so she makes the day glorious. Still a 90 minute lunch break meant we could stroll through the park next to the University buildings and drink in the autumnal warmth.

Feli has located another casket. Not the one in Edinburgh that the collections manager told us about, this one is in North Wales. She was busy finding out about it during the morning and getting full details of the Edinburgh one too. She has asked me if I want to go before Christmas or after. I think after would be preferable. She was pleased with my choice. Could be something to do with her finding another new guy on Saturday night! She is as bad as I was in a previous life!

I have been collating all the stuff we have on the boxes so far. I think we may have enough, by the time we have done, for a second submission. We will certainly have enough to try and get it published as a book. Some of the stitching photographs I have taken are really good. You can see the threads so clearly and can, with a bit of imagination, work out what the stitch style has become today, if you see what I mean?

I photographed the Susan woman’s embroideries in her house too, while we were there. I came across them while collating all our photographs onto one SD card. There is one which is exquisite. I have e-mailed her to ask if she can tell me where the design came from so I can make one myself. [This is the woman from Halifax who had a family heirloom casket. I think I have mentioned it already.]

Not much of a day really. It is a shame it is dark in the evenings now. I miss being able to do stuff in daylight after work. Still it’s only a few months before the longer nights return. I will cope.

Laura had a busy night at work tonight and she looks to be busy all week. Dominic has a few hen nights booked in and one very early Christmas do for this week! She made over £40 in tips this evening! Bet she will make a mint this week if they are all as generous.

Tuesday November 5^th.

Hoorah. Let’s celebrate killing Catholics!

Actually, we really need a Guy Fawkes today. If he tried to blow up Parliament today I don’t think anyone would try and stop him! In fact I’d go along and keep watch so he wouldn’t get arrested! Our politicians are just a set of total scumbags. There is a debate about the people disconnecting with their politicians, I am not in the least surprised. They live their millionaire life styles, completely divorced from reality and are currently trying to blame the poor for all the country’s troubles. PMQ’s are a prime example of why the public hate politicians; they are like bloody children squabbling in the playground. We seriously need a “None of the above” box on our ballot papers to show the fcuking tw@ts just what we think of them. Plus if “None of the above won” it would have to mean a revote with different candidates! Sorry. Rant over.

Swimming today was a lot colder, for some reason. It wasn’t the pool water but the changing rooms that seemed particularly cold. It appears that someone left a skylight open over night! They are lucky there wasn’t a break in through it. Still what could they have stolen, really? Pssst, wanna buy a 100 swimming floats? Only used once!

Guess who came down to see me in ARR again this afternoon? I think I will have to fit him with a security tag which sounds when he comes through the outer office door, and then I can go and hide somewhere rather than make inane conversation with him. I hope I don’t get him as Secret Santa that would be too awful to contemplate!

I told Mrs Briggs about the Judge mistaking me for her and she thought it was very funny, and very typical of him. This is kind of worrying really; I hope he is the exception in our judiciary not the norm. She was surprised that Alison had invited me as I must be the most junior level of employee at XXX & Y who has received an invitation to one of her shindigs. I am not going to question my good fortune; I merely hope I get asked again. Mrs B. thinks that Christopher will always be dogging my footsteps as long as he remains single. As he is in his late twenties already remaining single looks like it could be a distinct possibility. I don’t know what he’s doing wrong. He is not a train wreck in appearance. He isn’t pervy or anything in his manner. Maybe he is just being over keen as he was with me. I wonder if I could fix him up with one of my Undergraduate tutees? No, that would be so wrong. It would get him off my case though, wouldn’t it?

More prenuptial shenanigans at the restaurant for Laura tonight and another packet made in tips! I went to pick her up and Dominic asked me about Dad’s and my ‘wine trip’ to Germany. Could I get him some bottles of the Dornfelder we’d had? I had to explain that I didn’t think so as Dad uses every bit of space in the car to pack in other goodies as well.  Lebkuchen, Stollen, Wurst, all sorts of things Germanic to eat during the first few months in the New Year. I did promise to ask if Dad could find room but told him not to hold his breath. This year he is talking of just him and Louisa going so he can let the back seat down and get even more stuff in. Which might mean I don’t get to see Uncle Hilmar in Cochem at all! [We call him uncle but he’s really a cousin!]

Startling revelation time, Laura’s and my periods started on the same day today. Spooky eh? Perhaps there is an unconscious synchronicity in our hormones? I will have to do some research.

Wednesday November 6^th.

The whole day in the Archives today, and most of it spent digitising stuff again. Mrs Briggs is of the opinion I am being overlooked for Case Law searches as I’m not there everyday like I used to be. She may be right. The paranoid person may think it is all a big conspiracy to drive me away from the firm. I am not paranoid. Plus the digitising is fascinating. I am reading some really interesting and sometimes gruesome cases from the past. There was a particularly unpleasant murder of one Gay Guy by his lover in the 1970s which was very nasty indeed. Apparently one of the guys had been unfaithful to the other so in a bid to get revenge, the one cheated on planned a nasty accident. He knew that for self-gratification his lover used to use a broom handle in the bathroom. The lover would stand with one foot on the toilet and one foot on the sink and lower himself up and down onto the broom handle. The betrayed party went into the house and partially unscrewed the bolts holding the sink to the wall.

The result? When the cheat was in the middle of lowering himself on to the handle the sink came away from the wall and he was impaled on the broom handle which went all the way through his body to his diaphragm! [It killed him, obviously.] Some canny plod worked out what had happened and the betrayed chap was sent away for a long time. Apparently the idiot had left a load of finger prints around the area of the bracket even though he claimed he had never done any work in the bathroom ever.

The idea of the broom handle being the thing that killed him in that way is too awful to imagine really, isn’t it? This has been the most gruesome case I have found to date in the archives. I bet there’ll be dozens, if not hundreds more.

No visit from Christopher today, which was a bonus. I have been asked if I want to take part in Secret Santa again this year. Naturally I agreed. The limit this year is still £15 which is entirely reasonable; it stops those with loads of money being thoroughly extravagant. The names will be passed round by the 23^rd of the month giving us a full month to buy our recipient their present.

Just worked out it was a good job we aren’t going to Arran this week, we are seeing the English Chamber Orchestra on Friday at the City Hall. Laura reminded me of it when I got home from work. Prokofiev’s Classic Symphony is one of the items and a real favourite of mine. The rest of the concert has Mendelssohn’s First Piano Concerto, Faure’s Pavane and it concludes with Mozart Jupiter Symphony. A whole host of popular classics that should be an absolute treat. I hadn’t forgotten; I had just failed to remember! Laura hadn’t heard Prokofiev Symphony 1 so I played it while we had our meal. She was absolutely stunned by it. It is really accessible and very clever.

I relayed the news to Dom that Dad would include a few cases of Hilmar’s Dornfelder, via Laura and then spent a long time sending e-mails to Australia about Dad & Louisa’s visit. I am Skyping the antipodes on Saturday so I can give Susannah a warts and all picture of our step-mum before she arrives. Plus Annabelle is bursting to talk to me face to face again. The little treasure.

I had Mozart 41 playing when Loll came back in from work. She said, “Wow, this is good!” She hadn’t heard that before either! This girl has severe gaps in her musical education. LOL I bet she could say exactly the same about me. All I know of “popular” music is what I get from my Dad! It is bit odd a 60 year old giving his daughter tips about that kind of music, it is often [usually] the other way round.

Thursday 7^th November.

Feli slept with her new guy last night! She was full of the news this morning. I thought she was excited about the work or the casket or something but apparently not, it was all about Gregory. He is 28 and a doctor’s son who works in an agricultural research lab in the city. She invited him back for a coffee after their cinema trip [Gravity, in 3D] and things went pretty 3D at her flat. He stayed the night. Managed three more times during the night and didn’t hog the duvet! I think she is smitten.

No, I will rephrase that last comment, I KNOW she is smitten. 

They are seeing each other at the weekend and I am not sure whether I ought to send this Gregory some vitamin pills because she is planning a shagathon with him. She is going to get him to stay on Friday night again and then is hoping she can persuade him to stay and fcuk throughout the entire weekend. He is a guy, I told her, he’ll think all his Christmases have come at once! I hope that, if she succeeds, I don’t get a detailed step by step account of everything she did with him like I had about last night.

Yes, I did know semen in the eye stings like hell.

Yes, I did know a circumcised penis looks different to an un-snipped one.

Yes, I did know that, even using your mouth, a guy isn’t ready again for at least half an hour, sometimes longer.

Yes, I did also hate the horrible trickling sensation his cum makes when it seeps out of you, as you are lying hugging afterwards!

Yes, I do know the guy avoids sleeping in the wet patch!

Thanks Feli, for that non-new information.

Arrggghhh!

There was more but I have refrained from describing the veins on his penis or anything else she told me. A part of me wondered whether the whole detailed explanation was her way of saying, Actually I don’t want to have sex with you really!

When I told all this to Laura she was amused and surprised. As a virgin, she has not encountered any of this before and as a lesbian she has no desire to either. She was most surprised by the semen trickling out again revelation. I admit I was when it first happened. I don’t think I’ve encouraged any rush for her to go out and try it especially when I described how, when lying on your side after he has fired his load inside, you can get a trickle of spent semen running down your thigh. Yuck and double yuck.

Periods. I have discovered that synchronising of menstrual cycles does occur quite naturally, especially among women who live very closely together in an emotional situation. Mmmm…. I suppose being in love with each other and having passionate sex every time we can counts as an emotional situation. Apparently Nuns do it [no, not have sex every time they can! Pervy thought…] and women held as prisoners can too. It has been known for the entire inmates of women’s prisons to be ‘on’ all at the same time! This is not an urban myth, there is evidence for it and a couple of studies into the phenomenon too.

Callie, on her final walk of the day, spooked a guy wandering around the road to Onescare whom I have never seen before. [He spooked me a bit to be honest.] I don’t think he was a drunk wandering home, he may have been up to no good though. When she barked at him he turned tail and fled down the road that leads to Coombes Brook in the bottom of the valley. I had to call her back from running after him. In the cold light of day I’ll ask at the farm on the corner if there has been any “trouble” recently. I had my mega bright torch with me [as usual], but I didn’t shine it at his face. I don’t do so because I think it is rude. Maybe I should have done?