Births, Deaths and Marriage. (OK, maybe not marriage...)

Monday March 3^rd

I suppose no newts is good newts! LOL

No, I haven’t been waiting to put that for ages, it just occurred to me. It is a satisfying feeling moving the little creatures from the road when I walk the dog last thing at night, but even better is not finding squashed newt corpses in the morning as I walk her.

Today was a corpse free day. Hoorah!

The Lollster and I went for our swim as usual and then, after brekkers, wandered into Uni as usual too. Nothing strikingly different or strange about the day’s events I suppose. Oh. There was one thing. We have found quite a few documents appear to be palimpsests. This could prove fun for reading and translating. We talked with our supervisor and we will be liaising with the science department over reading the over written material.

We have a meeting on Thursday with a guy who is going to be asked to help us. This should prove interesting because previously we just handed items over whereas the new approach will be for us to be involved too!

Major whoops tonight. It was Callie’s MOT at the vet. She has one every a year and gets her booster shots too. I still go to Alan’s practice but always arrange to see a different vet rather than Alan (there are three of them in the practice – I have been going to see Alison or Maxine instead). Tonight, Alison was off ill and Alan had taken over her appointments. It was a tad embarrassing, to say the least, to be in a confined space with my former BF. To be fair to the guy, he was thoroughly professional all the time he was dealing with Callie. We weighed her (32 Kilos); listened to her heart; checked her teeth and then gave her the booster shot. It was after that when things began to get tricky. As I was attempting to lift her down form the table he caught my hand and held it. He then started to tell me how much he had missed me. He wanted to know what he had done wrong to spoil our relationship; what he could do to get us back together again as a couple. [For someone who has missed me and wants to get back together he has hardly contacted me since I walked…]

It was hard trying not to get angry. I mean, one of the reasons I’d felt we were going nowhere was the fact he never communicated with me. He would see me and that would be it until the next meeting, when we split up he suddenly discovered what texts and e-mails were! I mean, what’s a girl to do? It was only after I told him we were doomed that he seemed to make an effort. I tried to explain this to him but he wasn’t in the mood to listen. He kept saying if I’d really wanted to split up why did I sleep with him on the day I dumped him?

After “umming” and “ahing” I had to explain it was out of a sense of guilt and pity. I must’ve looked like I had received bad news from the vet when I left the consulting room as my eyes were streaming. I really did like Alan. He was kind and intelligent. He wasn’t bad looking. He was well set up being a partner in the practice. I just didn’t get the “spark” like I had with Richard. It was like he was just a temporary stop-gap until a more suitable person came along. That was probably why I didn’t sleep with him (so unlike me, whose knickers would be flung away at the slightest opportunity). I mean we did sexual stuff, I would blow him and he’d fiddle about down below, even licking me out too, but I always held back from going all the way. I suppose I could sort of see myself sleep walking into a serious relationship with him without loving him. That wouldn’t have been good for both of us. He now tells me he does love me and thinks about me all the time. I think that is called emotional blackmail. I guess the thought was there at the back of mind, if I married him sooner or later I would definitely be unfaithful to him because of the lack of love. In a weird sort of way, I think that was a more honest thing to do for both of. He doesn’t see it like that, he was of the opinion that love would grow over time. I didn’t want to risk everything on a mere chance!

Laura could tell I was upset when she got back from the restaurant. I explained and she just hugged me for ages. She said that subconsciously I was waiting for her to make her move, even though I didn’t know it was actually going to happen. Part of me must’ve had feelings for her at the time which were stronger than what I felt for Alan even though it needed her push to get me to realise that. This made me even more upset as I didn’t. I was sure I was heterosexual through and through and I only began my relationship with Laura because she came onto me and I thought it would be a novel experience. I didn’t know I was going to fall in love with her at all. In a way I did with her what I was reluctant to do with Alan.  There is no way on earth I am ever going to tell her that though. I will let her think her analysis of the event is the true one.

Tuesday March 4^th

Oh no! Four squashed newts and two toads! Arrgghh! Walking along the road this morning was the worst morning I can remember since moving into the village. Four newts flattened by passing cars and the road is so lightly used, I dread to think how many corpses there would be if the road had the usage of our lane, for example!

Our swim took my mind off the newt situation and after brekkers Laura and I zoomed off early into Uni. A normal morning ensued with no more corpses of any kind interfering with my mood. I encountered some at work, though, as I continued through the file digitising; another murder where the husband beat his wife so badly she died from her injuries and then he had tried to claim it had happened while she was home alone and a burglar had done it. We had represented the family of the woman. This got me side tracked into looking up the number of domestic violence cases in the UK. The figures are horrible. They would seriously put you off ever getting married. Maybe being in a lesbian relationship has made me re-examine my opinions of men as partners and husbands but even so these statistics are a pretty damning indictment of how brutal men are and how society in general seems to think it is acceptable.

After work we had a frantic phone call from Mum. Jane has been admitted to hospital. She has gone into labour and this time they are sure it isn’t a false alarm. Phil is on the phone to her and Jane’s folks with regular bulletins (every half an hour it seems) and Mum is then passing on the news to our side of the family. She wanted to drive over to Leeds herself (so did I when I heard) but Phil says the hospital would appreciate it if everyone and their father didn’t arrive until after the baby is delivered. Jane’s folks are looking after Peter and Angela, who are equally as excited, especially after last week’s false alarm (was it only last week?)

We caught the call just as we were leaving for the Firth Hall and tonight’s concert: an ensemble called Endymion, performing a programme of Beethoven, Brahms and a chap called Ligeti. The latter was a piece called Homage a Brahms and that is exactly what it was. A bit trite, in my opinion but then my hormones were raging with the news of the possible new arrival so what could I know? I had the phone on silent throughout the concert but there was no vibration to tell me a text had arrived. As Laura drove us home I tried to reach Mum but her number was engaged all the time. I eventually gave up as a bad job.

We went to bed quite late, with still no more news apart from the initial headline. Mum told to Phil to phone her at whatever time the baby arrives and he said he would. I’d told Mum she had to phone me the moment she heard, too, so she will call when there is news.

I am going to be an auntie again. The sixth time. Rah rah rah. We hit the charp feeling very, very happy indeed.

Wednesday March 5th

It is official. I am the auntie to a healthy and bouncing baby girl (Peter is distraught apparently, he was hoping for a brother) Sophie Emma Rachel entered the world at about 10 am this morning! I know! That is over 12 hours in labour! Twelve hours. It defies the imagination, doesn’t it?

It seems the labour stalled as soon as Jane arrived at the hospital [this is a new one on me] but they midwife was certain it was on its way. She was right. But over twelve hours? Phew.

Sophie was 8lbs 3oz and has a shock of hair already. Owing to the fact she was born during the working day we had to wait until after work to zoom across to Leeds to go and see her. There has been a steady procession of visitors to the new Mum and sproglet all day. Mrs B, in a typical show of understanding told me to go early, after I showed her the photo’s of my new niece on my phone which Phil sent at 11am. He has sent everyone pictures of her, including Susannah and Pete in Australia! Phew.

I called Laura and at the end of her day at Uni she came straight up to XXX &Y instead of “tramming” home. As soon as she arrived we left. It took us nearly two hours to get there. I know I moan about the traffic in Sheffield during the rush hour, but bloody hell – Leeds! We were in a queue on the M621 motorway to start with, then we could have walked faster through the city centre. The hospital wouldn’t allow a football crowd at the bed side so we had a cuppa and a sandwich in the cafeteria until there was a gap in the numbers at the bedside for us to go and see.

Sophie is so cute. She does look like a wrinkled little old lady at the minute, no matter what people say, it’s true. She is beautiful however. I was allowed to hold her and carry her about the room. She is tiny and absolutely perfect. Her little fingers and finger nails are like perfect tiny replicas of my own. She looks a very placid child, not grizzling or crying once while we were there. I took her to the window and showed her the city and told her she was going to have to get used to living in such an awful place. This made everyone laugh.

I just felt so protective of her. I am going to have to get used to this feeling I suppose. I can’t really remember too much of Jill’s birth and Annabelle and Jeff were both born in Australia. For Peter’s birth we still lived in Norwich and we didn’t get to see him until he was about a week old. I was in Australia when Angela was born and didn’t see her for a couple of months! This is the first of my nieces or nephews I have seen and held immediately after they were born. The feeling I had is so overwhelming, I could feel tears welling up behind my eyes. Jane’s brother and wife were waiting to come and see Sophie so we went back down to the café for another cuppa. I just sobbed and sobbed. A baby was what I had given up all those years ago in Cambridge because it wouldn’t fit my lifestyle and circumstances, so I had the pregnancy terminated. OMG. How could I have done such a thing?

Sophie is wonderful. My baby would have been just the same. The enormity of what I did washed over me like a numbness. At the time my head said yes; if I had held a new born, like I had just held Sophie, then I know my heart would have said no! I can’t not have one of these. I can’t. Obviously I am not going to go out and get myself pregnant any time soon, but I have got to have one of my own. I want one because it seems right and not just to make it up to the one I could have had in 2007 and chose not to. Laura, bless her, could tell I was upset because I was thinking about my termination. She is so attuned to my feelings. No wonder I love her so much.

“You were a different person then. You couldn’t have coped with a child and university, nobody could. It was a hard decision but the right one for you at the time. I love you so much. I love the way you appear all hard and brusque and tough and sarcastic but underneath you have the most profound feelings and emotions. I am so happy and privileged that you let me share the true you…”

That made me cry some more.

They are keeping Jane on the post natal ward overnight, mainly because the delivery was so long and she was absolutely whacked out by it. They are scheduled to go home tomorrow after the midwife has given the all clear. Phil has taken his Paternity leave from his work, they are giving him 3 months, which seems a pretty good deal. He is puffed and proud like a peacock, as if he has any reason to be – all he did was ejaculate inside Jane, she has done ALL the rest herself. I guess it must be a man thing; they have to make up for the feeling of being totally unnecessary after those few moments, nine months ago!

We went back up to the ward to say bye and that we’d be over whenever they wanted. Jane was so pleased we’d been and said that tomorrow and Friday would probably be hectic with her family all wanting to come and gawp, especially the ones who couldn’t make it today. We arranged to drive over on Saturday morning. If they wanted I could bring a meal over too. They didn’t need that. It seems Jane’s Mum has been busily stocking their freezer with meals she has cooked for them for the next fortnight! She (and Phil) has also declined any offer of clothing and stuff for Sophie. They have masses of items already and if we felt we wanted to do something to help out, a contribution to the hospital’s neo-natal ICU would be a much better idea. [I bet that was Jane’s own suggestion, not Phil’s.]

Mum had arrived while I was having my cry in the café and she was so pleased that Sophie was fit and well and that we’d put in an appearance to see her too. [What did she expect? We would boycott the birth for some weird reason?] She even said that seeing me holding Sophie, as though I had been doing it all my life, had made her feel really strange, but she didn’t want to talk about that now, with me; at a more opportune time she may broach the subject again. Mmmm…. I bet she does!

If we went to bed last night feeling happy, tonight we were elated.

Thursday March 6^th.

OMG. More newts and toads squashed last night too. There were none on the road at all when I walked Callie but this morning there was carnage once more. I counted five toads / frogs and two newts. I guess the wetness of the overnight rain and the mild temperatures must have enticed them out from their houses. They should have stayed indoors and watched the late movie instead.

I sort of floated through Uni today. Everyone asked me what the matter was, and why I was grinning like an idiot (well, not in so many words) all the time? Felice thought the news was brilliant. She has decided when she gets married (!) she wants a whole houseful of children. A husband would be a good idea first Feli! LOL. I contacted my supervisor and told her, she was really pleased too. I toyed with the notion of printing a copy of Sophie’s photo and pinning it to the door of the broom cupboard with the legend “New Auntie inside” but I thought that may be a bit much really. I told Laura about that at lunchtime and she said we should do it anyway. Plus, she had a picture of me holding Sophie we could print out, so we did that instead.

When we got back to the office a bit later, after our meeting in the science department, some wag had added a note to the bottom of the photo and legend, “Warning: Hormones Completely Out Of Kilter Inside!” Felice was appalled but I thought it was really funny. (And so true!)

The science guys were really nice. I say guys; there was actually a man and a woman. The guy was called Eddie and the woman Ruth. They were doing work on some kind of imagining and thought that they could maybe use different types of light to reveal the writing on our papers. Eddie is a complete hunk. I mean he is absolutely gorgeous. Felice was all over him, metaphorically, as soon as we met the two of them. Ruth could be a clone of me in appearance. She has long blonde hair, is pretty slim and has glasses. I suppose that she is quite good looking too, but she doesn’t draw they eye the way Eddie does. I hope she and Eddie aren’t a couple as I can foresee trouble ahead with Felice if they are.

I always say “the look is the hook” and to be honest if I wasn’t already happy with Laura I could be persuaded…  No. I will not even give voice to those thoughts. Shame on you Victoria!

So, next week they are going to try using the non-visible spectrum to see what is visible on our paper. At least I think that is what they will be doing. Let’s hope it helps us to read the over writing. Ruth did mention some other techniques they may try but I am afraid the technicalities were beyond my GCSE Physics!

At home we had a phone call from Phil to say the mother and child had arrived home safely and the two others are now busy squabbling over who is going to look after her more. I suppose they must be really excited to have their baby sister home. I was a little surprised to hear that Peter was equally as keen as Angela, but hey, what do I know about little boys and their feelings? Perhaps their father’s sexist stereotyping has rubbed off on me! LOL.

Dad phoned to ask if he could spend the weekend with us so they could visit the new grandchild. I agreed and am expecting him to turn up tomorrow arvo. He has said we aren’t to cook dinner as he and Louisa will take us out somewhere for a meal. I hope he doesn’t meet Mum at the hospital, we’ll have to phone her and work out a schedule that keeps them apart.

Parents, eh? I hope Sophie's parents last longer as a couple than her Grandparents have!