Extra-mural sexual activity...

Monday March 10th.

 I am going to stop recording newts moved or died, it is so upsetting having to shift bodies never mind reporting doing it. So it will cease forthwith and forever. Probably that makes it one of the shortest wildlife surveys ever, apart from the annual Dodo count that is.

 We swam as usual and then spent a relatively uneventful day at Uni. Laura has had her latest assignment marks back and as usual she has recorded the highest grade in her group. Rah rah rah! Beautiful and clever; the perfect combination!

 We had lunch on Broomhill to celebrate the highest marks with a few of her peers. It was nice to see that she’s been accepted in to the group despite arriving late [She transferred from another Uni in September.] What is even better is that they accept her and my relationship and aren’t stuffy or awkward about having a pair of raging lesbians in their midst… ROFL.

 We have decided to do a home swap with Dad this weekend. He and Louisa are coming down for more baby viewing and we are going to do some dog sitting for a couple of days. Plus the pub in the next village is having a grand reopening after its refurbishment, so we will be going to that too. Gilcrux has two pubs / bars which do food. The Barn Bistro does excellent food but can be a bit on the pricy side across the road, the Mason’s Arms does equally as good food – in a pub – and is therefore quite a bit cheaper. The Mason’s is the pub having its grand do on the 14th.

Our idea is; on Friday we will pass like ships in the night somewhere on the A1, Dad will stay in my house and I’ll stay in his. The same thing will happen sometime on Sunday too, in reverse. Laura spent the evening at the restaurant again and I put the absolute last stitch into the first panel for my cabinet! I am very pleased with it. I took a few pictures of it and have wrapped it in acid free tissue paper and stored it in my embroidery trunk [it is what doubles as a table in the attic study]. We both walked Callie for her final walk of the day and yes there were newts to move.

Bugger, I said I wasn’t going to mention them. Still I am reporting what happened.

We had a major snog leaning on the gate that leads down that leads down to Don View House and the bloody thing swung open! Luckily Laura had the sense to jump onto the gate with me and we continued the tonsil tennis until the gate hit the end stop and knocked us both from it. The people who live here are very posh and it would have surprised me if we’d set off an alarm or something. We ran down the road whooping and giggling like a pair of silly schoolgirls. I guess mentally we still are!

 Tuesday March 11th.

 Callie found a huge stick this morning on our walk. She is quite keen on sticks – it’s a dog thing. She usually picks one up, carries it for a while and then something else distracts her attention so she abandons it. This morning I guess the challenge of trying to balance the thing in her mouth so it didn’t drag along the road and path must have kept her brain cell occupied for longer than usual.

Why do I mention the retrieving habits of my dog you may be wondering? Has the bespectacled one finally tripped over the thin line from genius into insanity? No. It refer to it because the bloody stupid wazzock of a dog used it to trip me up head first into the largest bramble patch in the known universe.

 I suppose it was my fault because I had spotted a green woodpecker in the newly planted pasture and as such I wasn’t paying any attention to what The Muse of Epic Poetry was doing. The woodpecker flew further in to the field for me to see properly and as I turned the woofter managed to get the stick right between my legs at about knee height. To be fair I only caught the edge of the brambles, I sort of half rolled, half fell into the brambles and grass verge. Sadly it was my head that came into contact with most of the evil tendrils of this bloody plant and it took me quite a while to get my hair untangled from them. [I was holding my hat as I had got too hot tramping up through Hill Top Woods and had removed it. That may have prevented me getting as caught up.] Luckily I had my ski-gloves in my jacket pocket so I was able to put those on to grab the suckers wrapping themselves into my locks. With two lengths of sucker I had to give up and snapped them off, leaving them in my hair for removal when I got home.

 Laura was a) shocked and b) amused when I strolled in with my new hair extensions. By carefully cutting the lengths of sucker into smaller sections she was able to get all of them out without removing too much of my hair in the process.

Sarah at the pool thought Laura deserved a medal for not just pulling the whole lot out at once. Well, thanks for that!

 I had more promotion at work this afternoon again as Mrs B was off for the rest of the day and tomorrow too. It simply means I will be the first port of call for any queries addressed to ARR. I handled hardly any the last time she was away but you never know the warmer weather may have brought the crazies out of the woodwork and I’ll be needed to delve into the depths of our archives! I wasn’t this afternoon, so why Wednesday should be any different I don’t know?

 Laura had cooked a pasta dish of Dom’s for dinner tonight, it was delicious. She said it was identical to the restaurant one except for the fact we didn’t have penne so she’d used fusilli. I would have known. Not.

I walked her down to the restaurant tonight and watched her get ready for work, she looked so hot in her black skirt I just wanted to do naughty things with her in the staff room – she wouldn’t let me (obviously), she said if I walked down to collect her afterwards we could do things to each other in Coumes Wood on the way back. We did.

I’d walked back down in my denim skirt with no underwear, she had discovered this fact by the time we got to the path alongside the doctor’s surgery. We spend rather a long time on the new concrete steps up the bank side. The thought of being caught makes it even more exciting. I had even placed a smallish purple object in my handbag which was soon hidden in two different locations.

 As we walked along the last bit of the lane to my house Laura said, “God, that was so exciting. I am getting wet again just thinking about it…” We were going to do it again on our garden wall behind Callie’s dog kennel but we bumped into Muriel as we came up to our conservatory door.

Chatting to her made me realise we shouldn’t be caught by the neighbours bonking in our own garden, so we went inside instead and did it in the kitchen, the lounge, on the stairs, in the shower and in the bedroom. Never was a small purple item so well used!

 Richard’s photo on my bedside made me think of all the times I had persuaded him to fuck me outside, in locations we could be caught. He’d been very reluctant at first but had eventually warmed to the idea. The only time he had refused my desire was when I wanted to blow him in a telephone box in the town centre. I wonder if Laura would be up for a little reciprocated frolicking in a call box?

 Wednesday 12th March.

 The power! The Power! It would be gratifying to report that I had excelled as Mrs. B’s stand in for the day and a half of her absence but I would be mendacious in the extreme if I did. I actually did nothing at all, all day; nothing in my role as the temporary stand in Mrs B. that is. There were no calls put through to her, no urgent request which only a skilled deputy could handle during her absence. Nada. Zilch. Rien.

 I was expecting the day to be more interesting than it turned out it seems, still this is not a fault I am sure. It must be better to have boundless optimism than to be a misery guts? The rest of the non-work part of the day was another Radio Stars tune. Still life would be tedious if exciting things happened all the time.

Laura had another gastronomic delight waiting for me as I got home. It was a chicken type dish in a white wine sauce which she claims is her own invention and was delicious.

I asked if she was up for a repeat performance of last night’s sexual gymnastics and she said, “Yes, but bring the car this time!” So I picked her up at about 11.15 and we parked up just along from the Convent, overlooking the Strines Valley, and we had a more comfortable exploration of each other’s valleys.

 Thursday 13th March.

 When we got back from swimming there was my first birthday card waiting for (sometimes the Postie is very early) it was from my Gran in Hawick. She’d put a letter inside saying she is coming down on Saturday to see the new Great Grand Child and will be staying at Mum’s for a week. She also said she has now got Skype. Rah Rah Rah.

I will attempt to find her during the day and hopefully have a chat. Uni was much of a muchness. I did get another three cards though which was nice, all from the personal Tutor group, including one from Mandy who seems to have calmed down a lot this term compared to the first one. (I must stop calling them terms, I sound like my Mum.) I hadn’t realised I had told anyone in the group when my birthday was, but I obviously have. Still, I do make a joke about not being called Patricia to people so it is quite likely, I suppose.

 We packed up a few item overnight so all we’d need to do tomorrow is get the pup and zoom off and while Laura was at the restaurant I gave the house a mega clean through. Dad and Louisa will find the place spotless. I bet he leaves it a mess though, one of the downsides (it seems) of having your own cleaner is it makes you less tidy or thoughtful about cleanliness. Certainly Dad is getting more and more scruffy in his old age when it comes to his level of house pride!

 I just hope he and Gran don’t meet at Phil’s because I know she’ll kill him! In fact it would be quite amusing to be there if they did meet just to watch the fireworks. She is not averse to speaking her mind about her former son-in-law and his despicable behaviour and he, being an Australian, would be equally as forthright back! I might warn Phil and Jane and as them to video any encounter between them because it would be a shame to miss it! LOL

Tonight we didn’t indulge in extra mural sexual activity, we confined ourselves to the shower and bedroom after I had walked the woofie. Well, you prefer the comfort really, don’t you?