Finding culture in WA. No I don't mean yogurt! Unusual Christening.

Friday August 8^th.

Wowee. Western Australia does do culture after all. No, I don’t mean it makes its own yogurt. I have found that The Fille Mal Gardee is having a season at His Majesty’s Theatre, so after a swift couple of phone calls to the mainland to see if any of the family wanted to go with Laura and me to see it, I have booked four tickets for the evening of Thursday 11^th of September. I know it’s a school night for the girls but I figured it would be better than a weekend booking which may be busier. I tried to persuade Jeff that he would love it but he is not going to go and see Ballet! Full Stop. End of. He is obviously turning into a testosterone fuelled, sexist stereotypical Australian male. I will have to beat his ears when I next see him. (This evening.)

The second call was to the box office to book tickets. Rah rah rah! We saw this at the Lyceum in Sheffield about a month ago and it was truly wonderful, I can’t wait to see how the West Australian Ballet company interpret the story and score.

Even better than that I have booked tickets for Laura and me (and the girls again) to go and hear Beethoven’s symphonies number 6 and 7 performed at the Perth Concert Hall on Friday 29^th of August and a pair of tickets for me and Laura by ourselves for Carmina Burana on Saturday 13^th September at the same venue. I didn’t ask the girls about this one as I thought it may be a bit heavier going than the best two Beethoven symphonies. It does mean we are going to make sure our touring plans fit in with the dates but that is no problem. We fly back to the UK on the Monday after the Orff so we’ll be leaving with culture behind our ears. That may be stray yogurt!

I conducted all this business at the Dome whilst waiting for our ferry back to the mainland and what passes for civilisation in these parts. The three librarians saw us in the café and came and joined us. I told them what I had just done and they seemed surprised, not having taken us for culture vultures by our dress and demeanour. Laura took great pleasure in telling them we were patrons of the Sheffield City Hall International Classic Concert season, starting in September when we got back, and that we had already got three theatre visits booked as well on our return. You could hear the pride and swagger in her voice as she told them this. We hadn’t really gone on too much about our social activities last night, preferring to be silly rather than serious.

I don’t know if she did it to shock them or get a reaction or to merely make a statement but she then told them we were shortly about to celebrate our two year anniversary as a couple and we’d lived together for the last one. If this was designed to ruffle their feathers, it didn’t work. The oldest of the trio said something like, “I knew it. Didn’t I say they were awfully close for just friends?” The other two just nodded. It turned out they were very supportive of any kind of alternative arrangements, as they put it. It so obviously worked in our case.

We sat with them on the Rottnest Express and then told them about Freo Market, in case they hadn’t been to it yet. They had. They had ‘done’ Fremantle before they went over to Rotto. They were going to ‘do’ Darwin next.

I guided us down to fisherman’s wharf where I treated the Lollster to the best fish and chips in the world at Cicerello’s. We ate outdoors, right on the wharf side and watched with envy the array of boats moving about or moored in the harbour. After our early lunch we strolled across to look at the market again; did a little shopping and then caught the 99 bus to Murdoch Station. From there we hopped on to the Transperth train to Warnbro Station, on Ennis Avenue, finally a taxi delivered us right to our door in less than four minutes! Suze was home when we arrived being on the first part of the three day turnaround between shifts which she negotiated last year.

We flopped onto the sofas in the family room and guzzled tea like we were dehydrated camels!

The kids arrived home with Pete at about 4.15 and after a brief chat with us about our stay on Rotto they disappeared into their rooms until they were called for the meal about 6.30.

We chilled out afterwards gossiping and being silly until an exposition of sleep came upon us and we headed for the hills. You can’t actually do that in a bungalow so we did it metaphorically instead. We needed our beauty sleep for our early start at Aqua Jetty tomorrow morning.

Saturday 9^th August.

We didn’t over sleep at all despite being out like lights last night. I didn’t even wake up when Suze came in at about 6.30 with two mugs of tea for us. Laura nudged my shoulder several times to rouse me and I responded with a muttered, “Callie! Stop it!” This caused a little indignation on the part of my listener who promptly whacked me with her pillow, so I whacked her with mine and we indulged in a little childishness before collapsing in a deep and prolonged kiss; lying the wrong way round on the bed. A slight cough from the door brought us to our senses and we were startled to see a small niece watching us snogging. [Oh bollox!]

Annabelle walked in and plonked herself down on the end of the bed and said, “I knew you kissed. Jeff said you didn’t but I just knew you must do. It’s what people who are in love do. I suppose, unless you kissed someone with a beard, with your eyes closed you wouldn’t be able to tell if you were kissing a boy or a girl would you?”

I told her I wasn’t going to answer any questions like that and what was she doing sneaking into our room like that? She protested that she hadn’t sneaked, she’d coughed politely and anyway the door was open which means you can come in. [She was right, that is a family rule. Not just here but all through the family. It is one of Mum & Dad’s that we all still seem to follow.

She told us she had come to fetch us as it was 10 to 7 and (her) Mum had told her to get us to shift our arses. I assured her she didn’t say anything of the sort but she assured me the only words she’d missed out of her Mum’s command were “bloody skinny”.

Several lengths of the pool later and our arses were heading towards being even skinnier. We lazed about in the Jacuzzi area and sauna and steam rooms bit for quite a lot longer than on a week day as there was no rush to get the cherubs off to school. When we got back Pete told us he just had to make a phone call to cancel the search party!

The function that Suze and Pete are going to is a Christening of Bruce and Tania’s first child. It is on Sunday afternoon. I was quite surprised by this, even more so when Suze said that we had been invited too, if we wanted to go. I have only ever met Bruce and Tania once so I said I wasn’t sure. I told her if we went there was no way I was going to take communion. She just laughed at this. It turns out that B & T and their family aren’t Catholic and it will be a naming ceremony rather than an old fashioned Christening. It will be held at Bruce and Tania’s house plus there will be a huge barbi in B & T’s back yard after the event. They are having a celebrant officiate at the naming ceremony called Stanton (I think). This seems such a weird variation on anything I have known (and Laura too) we said we’d go.

After brekkers Laura and I decided to cycle round the scenic route onto Rockingham Beach and buy a newspaper. This prompted Annabelle to ask if she could come too, and Suze also fancied the idea. Jill was off to meet some of her friends from school in Rocky Park Mall and then maybe head into Freo and Jeff had an AFL match this afternoon – Pete was taking him.

So after much messing about finding helmets and pumping up soft tyres we wobbled our way along Currie Street, down Gamble Street onto Fendam Street, climbing up Blakey Street and finally on to Warnbro Beach Road. That last little climb is always a bit of a surprise but worth it for the view across the bay to Penguin Island and the other outcrops in the distance. Warnbro Beach Road isn’t exactly pancake like either but you don’t really notice, especially if you are just pottering along at barely more than fast walking pace. A week of cycling on Rotto had obviously inured my delicate little places to the rigours of a saddle and I found the experience quite fun.

By the time we reached Safety Bay Road you could hear cries of. “Whose bloody stupid idea was this, anyway?” This was answered by a plaintive wail of, “You didn’t have to come, Mum!” Safety Bay Road was a hell of a lot busier than WBR and we were glad of the pavement to cycle down when it finally appeared alongside us. We decided that the café at the Penguin Island ferry point needed our patronage so we stopped there for a drink and a bun. Laura, once again, was stunned by the beauty of the coast here, especially the way the chain of little limestone islands break up the eye line as you look out into the Indian Ocean.

Suitably refreshed, we pedalled on until we finally arrived at Railway Terrace. Here we had a look around the scattering of shops and bought our newspaper as planned. We even had a go on the Aus Lotto, inspired by my Mum’s win of $5,000 last year when she came out to join me on a post retirement holiday. We won’t hold our breath about winning anything. Although I did promise if I won big I would relocate here (to Shoalwater) when my PhD was complete. This got an unsolicited reply from Laura who said, “Yes, I could quite easily live here too. It is like West Cumbria but with better weather.”

Suze being a wuss was all for cycling back to Chaos Castle the quick way, straight down Read Street which becomes Warnbro Sound Avenue at the big roundabout but she was out voted by the three of us who preferred to avoid the heavy traffic that would be flowing down there. We went back the same way we had come and found the going equally as easy. Our whole jaunt had taken us about four hours and our bums, buttocks and thighs certainly reminded us! Suze was of the opinion that if I suggested another bike ride she would definitely not join us.

We hung around like ghosts waiting for a haunting for the rest of the day as we looked forward to the televised game between the Dockers and Geelong. Dinner was a joint affair with Suze and Laura cooking the main and Annabelle and I doing the dessert [baked Alaska].

The game between the Dockers and the Cats was a really tight one which Fremantle lost after staging a really heroic comeback in the final quarter. It was made even more disappointing because the Dockers had a shot, right on the final siren, which (if it had gone through the centre sticks) would have won the game by four points. Instead the kick went completely wide and they lost by two! Boo Hoo. This means that Geelong will almost certainly finish fourth in the ladder above Freo.

I was pleased that Laura found the game fascinating, even though she didn’t really have a clue what was going on. She is now looking forward to our visit to Subiaco to see a match live. We are going next Sunday to the Paterson’s Stadium to watch The Dockers take on Hawthorn. It is a mid-afternoon game and we are planning on going in Pete’s bus to Freo and then catching the train up to Subiaco. (We have done this before.) I brought my Dockers shirt with me, especially for the occasion, and we are going to get a piece of apparel for Laura to wear before next weekend too.

It is strange not walking a dog the last thing at night before going to bed. It is also strange to not be having sex with Laura as soon as we get into it. I guess we have to show a little decorum. What we also need is some kind of toys we can use on each other. Fearing serious embarrassment at the airport I decided not to pack any of our aids to pleasure. I think a task for next week is to locate a shop where we can buy something to help us out. Is there an Ann Summers in Western Australia?

Sunday 10^th August.

Sunday swimmers in the pool again this morning. Why do the geriatrics of Warnbro have to descend on the place on Sunday when they eschew it all week long? It was quite an unusual occurrence though as all of us went to the pool and then had a big fry up breakfast when we got back home.

We have washed all of our clothes through, which didn’t take as long as anticipated, and I showed Laura how to use the whirly gig in the back garden. Annabelle came to help and was rather startled by our underwear. Especially some of the thongs we had washed. She pulled a face and said she had tried a pair of those and they kept disappearing up her bum! We had a good giggle and explained that is how they fitted. It feels pretty strange at first but you soon get used to it. Plus it means they take up less than no space in your luggage. She was also surprised that I had so many bras to be washed. I asked her if she didn’t put a clean on every day with her knickers, she said that she didn’t. She often didn’t wear one at the weekend at all as she had virtually nothing to put in it one anyway.

I told her she should be grateful. I was keen to have a bust when I was thirteen and look at the bloody grapefruits I had down my T-shirt now! I wished I was more of Laura’s proportions. This comment made the object of my desire pipe up to say that she wished she was more like me. I jokingly said we ought to swap. Annabelle said she’d readily swap then the boys at school would swoon when they saw her. I told her boys swoon at any part of a girl’s body they see all the time. She said, “What, even Jeff?”

“Oh yeah. I bet Jeff swoons at big bazookas every time he sees them.”

That had us in stitches. Annabelle had this crazy idea about her brother fainting every time he saw a large bosom. They would need to set up a post bosom viewing revival team for him to make sure he could get through the day safely. Jill interrupted our silliness by asking what we were laughing at out here and Annabelle tried to explain but it didn’t sound so funny the second time around.

We had a small brunch type affair as there was going to be a barbi at the naming ceremony but no one was sure how long we would be before the food was broken out. A little nibble now would keep off the hunger pangs, according to my sister. I had to supress another giggle, not helped by being nudged in the ribs by Laura who whispered, “A little nibble right now would be perfect.”

We left for Mandurah at about 1pm in Pete’s bus after having got ourselves all dolled up for the occasion. I had my back multi-purpose dress, which is a sort of long mini made from a stretchy sort of material that feels like velvet but obviously isn’t. It is multi-purpose as depending on how you accessorize it can be very formal or very casual. I went for casually formal with my black Roman Legionary sandals, black hand bag and shortie demin jacket on top. Laura chose her floor length rainbow summer dress which has and empire line top with a halter neck. I have one which is almost identical except for the length, which is skater skirt length. I didn’t bring it with me as we look like bloody Tweedledum and Tweedledee if we go out in indentical outfits. We actually did a check through our packing to make sure we didn’t put anything in which was too similar, except for a couple of jersey dresses each which are the same cut but different colours.

Jill wanted to do our eyes for us and we had a set of graduated sunrises (I think that was what she called them) each. That was actually all four of us because she did her own and Annabelle’s too. She did try to get Suze to make a full set but she said she hadn’t got the time to sit down and have all that done.

Bruce and Tania live in really nice two storey place just north of Mandurah. Luckily there is a reserve right next to it and we were able to fit Pete’s bus along the edge of that, next to the wooden fencing. There were already another dozen or so vehicles doing the same thing. Inside the ‘yard’ there must have been about fifty or sixty people there altogether, obviously mainly their relatives but friends of each of them too. We were there as Tania’s friends. They used to live in Safety Bay until last year but moved down to Mandurah when Bruce changed partners and practices. They now have three surgeries, one in Rockingham, one in Mandurah and one out at Armadale.

Annabelle clutched my arm really tightly as we were introduced to Bruce and Tania (again) and muttered, “There’s Robin…” Robin is their oldest and he used to be Annabelle’s boyfriend, sort of. The new baby is the third child and we all got to have a look at her and those who wanted hold her. In fact she was rather like a pass the parcel item among everyone who came in. She was a very happy and cheery little thing who didn’t seem to mind being passed between strangers. I gave her a swift bounce in my arm while she clutched my finger really tightly. Laura was a bit more tentative about holding her which was surprising having several nephews and nieces of her own she must have held before, not to mention my newest niece Sophie.

I mentioned Sophie to Suze and she was scathing about my brother. Not really surprising as they don’t get on very well at all. She was of the opinion he had only had a third so he could keep up with her. [Now, if you know my brother, that is so realistic a character assessment of him. He just has to compete. He doesn’t with me because I don’t do things in the normal way so he isn’t sure of the ground between us really. If I had been able to marry Richard and start the family we had planned, then he would have been as competitive with me too, I guess. Richard’s death and my complete change of lifestyle had bowled him a doosra which he just couldn’t defend against.] I had to tell Suze that she mustn’t tar Sophie with the same brush as our pillock of a brother.  I remembered I had some photo’s of Sophie on my phone so we had a brief look at a second baby, albeit on a 4” screen taken thousands of miles away.

The celebrant was a woman. She and the smiling parents had written the naming ceremony between them and had studiously avoided all mention of any kind of deity in it altogether. I could quite like this idea. It had the wetting of the baby’s head and we lit candles from a single one, passing the flame between the guests, just like it would have been in a church. We simply had none of the wishy washy fairy tale stuff included. I think it was very tastefully done and all the people attending seemed to approve. One old duffer mumbled something about it not being proper if it wasn’t in a church but he garnered no support for this view from anyone around him at all. Good.

The whole ceremony took about 35 minutes I guess and then we all sort of migrated towards where the food and drink was being served up. B &T must have had caterers in as the food was hot and waiting for us as we arrived and we had a choice of several items including steak for those who wanted it. I opted for steak but I asked the girl cooking if I could have a fresh one put on the grill as all the others were too over cooked for me. She said something like “At last…” but I didn’t take it any further. I had a really raw piece of beef and then piled my plate with salad and baby new potatoes. We sat scoffing on a series of picnic benches arranged around the garden – a pretty huge garden I might add. The rest of the family had chicken strips or prawns or kebabs or chops or even a burger or snag; I seemed to be the only steak eater among us. We were told there was plenty still to eat so we (OK, I) felt honour bound to help them out.

The second time round they were cooking tuna steaks so I had one of those and two snags which were said to contain sage. They were certainly very herby though I couldn’t tell if it was sage or not. While we were eating Tania & Bruce came around with  baby Rosie and introduced us to her formally. We snapped a couple of pictures on our phones and Suze said we ought to send one to Phil and claim it her fourth one! This led Tania to ask about our brother and me showing her the pictures of baby Sophie from my phone. I showed her all the pictures I had taken of my brother and his family and Tania seemed surprised that Suze didn’t mention him more. I had to explain that he was an accountant and consequently too boring to be of interest. To which Bruce replied, “Monty Python”. My beloved sister said, “Oh No!” but it was too late. With a fellow Pythoner I just had to show my enthusiasm too. He remembered the University of Wallamaloo [being a Bruce] and I was able to sing him (quietly) a word perfect version of the Philosopher’s Song . He came back with a pretty good remembrance of the banker’s song and we attempted a duet on Eric the Bee.

Suze did the eye roll into the top of her head and Tania said, “If you went to see them at the O2 I’ll kill you!” I explained I hadn’t… …but I had seen the TV broadcast. This set us off on another line of discussing the possibility of seeing it out here in Aus. I couldn’t answer that one. 

After the scoff was out of the way, and the baby greeting done and dusted we all began to mingle with the other guests. Well, I dragged Laura around and we chattered to all and sundry. When they heard our accents that usually got us started on why we were here, how did we know Bruce and Tania, what did we think of Australia [You ALWAYS get asked that]. We went through the swift family history and I did my genuine strine voice for a few people, who were amazed that I sounded just like an Australian. All the time Laura cleaved to me like I was a life line. She did volunteer information when asked but it was big gobbed, ice-breaker who sailed forth into unknown waters. I like being sociable and people are really ready to talk to newcomers at a function like this.

We met all sorts of interesting people and their children. We gossiped with both of Bruce’s partners. His and Tania’s parents; a few of Tania’s colleagues; B & T’s two other children and sundry uncles aunts nieces and nephews, as well as friends and freeloaders (like us). It was great fun.

People started to drift away at about 5 pm and we said our farewells just as the sun was sinking into the Indian Ocean. Pete as the designated driver was as sober as a judge but I think the other htree adults in the party, not to mention the oldest daughter of the driver were a little the worse for alcohol. Annabelle was quite subdued and Jeff was in a stress about a stain he had managed to spill down his Dockers training top. Suze told him to stop his wittling and she’d put it in the wash when we got home. If he couldn’t shut up he’d have to do it himself. He has sense at times and was quiet for the rest of the drive home.

Back at Chaos Castle the kids did their disappearing act again and Pete decided it was his turn to hit the chardonnay. We sat in the front lounge and watched the televised AFL game while consuming even more alcohol. Jeff joined us for the match and then vanished again. Annabelle put in an appearance time to coincide with Jeff’s departure and showed us a card she had made for Tania and Bruce to thank them for a lovely day. It was really sweet. Suze said she’d take it to work tomorrow. Annabelle snugged down between Laura and me and watched the next two TV shows with us although by the middle of the second one she was fast asleep. We decided to hit the charp too, so I picked up Annabelle and carried her into her room. She put her arms round my neck As I took her down the corridor to her room. She kissed me on the check and said, “I do love having you and Laura here. If you could come and live in Shoalwater it would be brilliant.”

If I could come and live in Shoalwater it would be brilliant but I know I would miss the mountains and greenery too much to be truly happy. I need wealth enough to live here six months and in the UK six months. Now that would be brilliant.