Monday 6 April 2015

No sex in Shiskine. Frogmageddon.

Friday March 27th.

The rather foolish decision to just bring my tablet has bitten me on the bum somewhat as I am finding my typing speed using the stupid on screen keyboard slower than anything. I realise now I should have brought my laptop as well. So I am going to recreate the “Islanders’ Reports” style of blog for the rest of our visit…

Activity: Blackwaterfoot and the Doon stroll. Took Callie here on what could be the first totally fine day since we arrived. We chose Blackwaterfoot so we could explore the Doon and see if it offered the possibilities for extra-mural sex that somewhere like Alport Castles did. (It didn’t, TBH.) It is just as flat as we remembered but with no secret little hollows or dips in which a copulating couple could hide themselves from view. There was a secondary reason for this location and that was the golf course and the wonderful café on the site. Golf is a good walk spoiled but the café must un-spoil it for the ball thwackers. To those who haven’t indulged in the pastime (it isn’t a sport, technically) there is nothing to un-spoil so it is simply sheer indulgence instead.

Weather: Fine. Clouds in the sky whizzed across but on our west facing beach we had no rain at all from them. It wasn’t too warm, though. It seemed the fell tops got a soaking which sort of makes our avoiding of the wet stuff when we climbed Goat Fell all the more remarkable really. We’ve been on this beach when the wind has sandblasted your face like a fine exfoliant, today was a bit windy but nothing to scrub a way your facial acne. (Not that either of us have any, you understand)

Refreshment: Meal at the Golf Club restaurant. For some reason the golf club is called the Shiskine Golf club even though it is in Blackwaterfoot. We were restricted to the snack menu which meant we had soup and sandwiches. The idea was we’d have this and probably forego a large evening meal. (That’s exactly what happened.)

Incidents: A georgeous companion on a brilliant stroll was unable to have her desires met al fresco, despite a thorough search of the potential bonk site. Added incentive was the lack of people about the place but we curtailed our passion until we returned to WB. Here we indulged taking it in turns to wear blindfolds, whilst the other administered sweet pleasure. OMG

Evening Meal: We snacked out on pastries and Earl Grey tea – our lunch at the Fairways restaurant really was very filling.

Saturday 28th March

Squashed Frogs! We have had this at home in Sheffield I was surprised to find it today. This morning I walked up towards Gleanashdale Falls for Callie’s first walk and there was frogmaggedon on the road. I counted over 10 squashed frogs (or toads) on the road. It is such an upsetting sight. Although with all the rain I am not surprised it drew them out, I am just shocked so many were squashed.

Today I had to spot dodge first thing but as we (Callie and I) got back it started to rain again. It has been the wettest day so far of our stay.

Luckily you don’t need a keyboard to Skype, so we Skyped everyone after breakfast, Mum, Dad & Louisa, Laura’s Mum and Dad (Eric was out in the lorry), Suze and Pete and the kids. I was tempted to Skype Phil but refrained.

Mum and Tony are good, they seems to be hitting it off really well. I think Mum is smitten. Baby sister Chloe hasn’t put in a repeat of the glass-shattering lung exhibition we had after the Christening, which is good to hear. We tried to get her to see me on their screen but it didn’t work. Perhaps she is a bit young for that yet! The Aus crew can’t believe the weather on Arran has been so wet. Suze joked it was obvious that that cheesy Scottish band were being critical of their climate when they named themselves Wet Wet Wet. Molly was amused by my lack of keyboard limiting my writing of e-mails. She said it must be like me having my hands cut off.

We decided I would do some baking, so leaving Loll and Callie in the van I drove up to Brodick and bought a load of ingredients from the co-op to make some apple pies and lemon meringues. This was a good way to avoid the rain this morning. I called in Auchrannie Resort and got us tickets for a spa session and swim in the afternoon. I didn’t tell Loll about this until we had four cooling items on the racks in the kitchen.

We had a half day’s-worth of treatments and pampering and splashing about in the pool at the Auchrannie Spa. I just love being massaged. We came out feeling refreshed, invigorated and seriously clean. It may be a bit costly but it is so worth it.

A bonus afterwards, it dried up weather wise so we toddled to Kildonan again for another seal watch.

Sunday March 29th

Losing an hour made no difference to Callie, she still managed to come and get me up at 6 am. Even though in her doggy time it must still have been 5am. Maybe I am reading too much into the actions of my dog?

The promise of less rain made it seem like a good idea to hit Machrie Moor and the stone circles. We only got rained on sporadically.

I love the atmosphere you get at these monoliths. It is astounding to think that even though they were a totally unsophisticated people they still managed to do things like this. There are some standing stones in Northern France we went to when I was little that just stretch away in rows and rows for ages. What was going through the people’s minds when they did this? It shows a huge degree of organisation skills to get the population to come together and do that, I feel.

I would love to have known what stories the people told each other as to why they were putting these slabs of rock into the ground. That is the problem with pre-written language culture, there is no way of understanding the motives behind their actions. This is why I get so cross at all the morons who descend on Stonehenge every year, pretending to be Druids and making out that they know what they are doing. They know absolutely one thing – Fuck All! In my opinion, when things like that happen it simply reinforces the fact that we are only one small step away from reverting back to apes again!

We spend the rest of the day back at the van with Laura working, first of all, on a revision timetable which allows her one session per day if the weather is fine but several if it is grotty; she then spent a couple of hours at work. I punctuated her studies with regular supplies of tea and supportive cuddles. I began my new book, “The Elegance of the Hedgehog”. My friend Laure, in Metz, recommended it and I am struck by it already (OK 150 pages in). The main character, Renee, sounds just like me, as does the suicidal girl. It is a strangely compelling story. I can see why Laure thinks it is one of her favourite books.



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